Greg Chappell arrested for espionage

Jaipur. Former Indian cricket coach and current coach of Australia, Greg Chappell was arrested by Rajasthan Police here in the wee hours of today. Chappell is reported to have been sleeping in his hotel room at the time of arrest. He has been charged with professional espionage and breaking the non-competing clause of his contract with BCCI.

Police recovered a broken bottle of Fosters beer, two pairs of tricolored socks, woo-doo dolls of controversial Indian spinner Harbhajan Singh and former Indian captain Sourav Ganguly, and thirty five VCDs of Indian cricketers, apparently shot by a hidden camera. Police refused to divulge what exactly was captured in the VCDs, saying investigations were on.

The arrest has sent shock waves in Australian camp. “I fear Indian police more than the terrorists now. Tomorrow I could be arrested for breaking some IPL contract or under other flimsy charges. India is playing dirty games.” Australian captain Ricky Ponting told Faking News.

Cricket Australia officials were not available for comment as they told they were studying the legal aspects of the development. Faking News has learnt that some officials in Cricket Australia were actually happy with development as they thought it to be nemesis for Chappell who had deserted Australia in 1977 to join World Series Cricket.

Faking News is trying to get a copy of the contract between Chappell and BCCI to find out the reported ‘non-competing’ clause. As BCCI refused to provide us the documents, Faking News is mulling over use of RTI. Our lawyers are exploring the possibility if RTI can be used against a non-governmental body such as BCCI.

Meanwhile Indian news channels celebrated the development, with one channel terming the arrest as “jaasoos pe kasaa shikanja” (spy has been caged). This leading channel actually could have a live phone-in from Greg Chappell after his arrest (it’s still not known how could Chappell has access to mobile while in custody).

The anchor of the news channel asked Chappell if it was unprofessional on his part to join a competitor of a team that employed him. Chappell is reported to have answered, “Mr. Anchor, as far as I remember, last time when you had talked to me you were employed with Channel X, now you have joined its competitor Channel Y, why should you too not be arrested?”

The phone to disconnected at this point of time and the anchor declared that Chappell was evading the real issues and instead raising unrelated topics to cover his crimes.

Bush does a 123 with Zardari, solves financial crisis

Washington, D.C. George Bush has done a 321 on India again. George gave in to repeated tantrums from Asif Ali Zardari to sign an India-clone 123 with Pakistan. George mentioned that Pakistan is a long standing ally and Asif is such a sweet kid. But, the Paki-123 is purely a business deal based on sound economics and nothing else.

Chairman of the Financial Meltdown, Bean Bernanke, said that first we must understand the roots of the on going financial crisis. There is a severe liquidity crunch in the market as there are not enough dollar bills going around to meet the requirements of all Americans. To make matters worse, developing nations like India and China are consuming more than ever and need more dollar bills to spend. A long term solution to the financial crisis is to print more dollar bills to satisfy this humongous world appetite for dollars. But American press is already operating at its full capacity and cannot print more dollars. Setting up a new printing facility would take two years and the world would have ended by then.

In comes President Zardari with a readymade solution. Pakistan Bank Note Press has been printing Indian currency since 1747 and continued to do so after independence. Zardari offered to convert these Presses to print US dollars overnight. He mentioned that their technology is world class and no one would know that the notes were printed in Pakistan. After all, it took India 60 years to distinguish Pakistani printed Indian Rupee notes from the Indian printed ones. He also offered to stop printing Pakistani currency altogether, if needed.

George Bush declared victory in War on Financial meltdown and was off too Texas for a vacation. He insisted that like the Indian-123, Pakistan would not need any sensitive printing technology from US to execute this change over. He also assured that notes would be made available to distressed homeowners at less than half of their printed value.

There were widespread celebrations in Pakistan as the news broke. 47 people were killed and 303 injured by the time this report was compiled.

Faking News thanks our reader Gabbar (not his real name) from Indore for contributing this article.

Lehman blames Casio for crisis

New York. USA. CEO of Lehman Brothers Mr. Richard Fuld has accused Japanese electronic devices manufacturing company Casio for the bankruptcy and is consulting his lawyers to file a damage suit. Mr. Fuld has claimed that Lehman Brothers was pushed to bankruptcy because its analysts and traders were using faulty financial calculators provided by Casio.

These calculators, most of them being FC-200V model, were bought in bulk by Lehman Brothers in August 2005 for its employees. Incidentally this is the same period when subprime mortgage crisis had started to unfold. Mr. Fuld claims that these calculators are to be blamed for the crisis.

“Our analysts couldn’t get the correct valuation of the mortgage-backed securities as the ‘bond’ function on these calculators was faulty, and ended up overpricing them. Our traders took positions on them in market in good faith” Mr. Fuld informed claiming Lehman Brothers did nothing wrong.

Mr. Fuld is claiming damages worth $ 8.6 billion. Faking News has learnt from its sources that this figure was too arrived at using the same Casio financial calculators so the final figures may change.

Other banks who were hit by the ongoing crisis are rechecking their calculators, computers and even coffee wending machines to find the real reason behind the subprime mortgage crisis. A survey among common man of New York revealed that most of them believed Mr. Fuld.

“This was a well thought conspiracy by Japan to avenge its defeat in Second World War and Pearl Harbor. Now I strongly believe that 9-11 attacks were carried by Japanese.” George McCain, a resident of New York told us during the survey.

Back in India, sentiments were strong as it is commonly believed that Indians know and perform most of the mathematical calculations by heart and don’t use calculator.

“We should encourage the indigenous culture of memorizing mathematical tables and formula and discourage use of modern equipments. India should not blindly ape west.” BJP’s leader and former finance minister Yashwant Sinha told Faking News through a message sent by BlackBerry®.

Meanwhile, Casio has denied that its calculators were faulty. Chief Technological Officer of the company told Faking News that Casio operates on six sigma model and it’s next to impossible that such a large number of defective products were offloaded in market. He hoped that the bankrupt Lehman Brothers won’t be able to afford legal fees and the case against them would be dropped.

India declares war(ning) on terrorism

New Delhi. Home minister Shivraj Patil skipped an important meeting with his tailor to announce India’s very own War-ning on Terror. A warning under Article 355 was issued to all Hindu-terrorists in Karnataka and Orissa who attack Churches and vandalize property. He also mentioned that Hindus in UPA ruled states and minorities of all shapes and sizes are exempt from this warning. A special exemption is also allowed for Madhya Pradesh and Chattisgarh as these states will go to the polls later this year.

Responding to this war-ning cry from UPA, BJP said that it was merely an election stunt by UPA. Minorities are safest in BJP ruled states because the majority is freest in those states. Also, Churches occupy prime property in India and it is in the Nation’s interest to convert these into multi use complexes. Karnataka CM Yediyurrapa said that he has forwarded the warning to all the vandals in his state and requested the Home minister to sanction 100 crores to rebuild damaged properties. Orissa CM Naveen Patanaik could not be reached for comment as he was busy making a prioritized list of minorities from 3 million people in flood affected Mahanadi delta.

CPM said that George Bush was behind this war-ning as he had issued similar warnings to Pakistani citizens in NWFP earlier. As we all know now, these warnings eventually led to American strikes in NWFP and CPM warned that America will resort to direct strikes on Indian citizens later.

An SMS poll conducted by Faking News revealed that Indian citizens would welcome any move by America to attack terrorist installations in India directly. PM Manmohan Singh hinted that he will talk to George Bush about a “123 Terror Deal” during his current US visit.

Meanwhile, the stone headed vandals of Bajrang Dal are headed for a holiday in Goa. They were merely attacking buildings not the Christian people. They are convinced that it is the buildings that are at the root of the conversion issue. Christian converts are Hindus after all and cannot be responsible for conversions in any way.

Arch Bishop of India has welcomed this move by the Government although he termed it as too little too late. He said that minorities had to put up with a lot of injustice in this country. And only their love for the destitute people of India kept the minorities strong and going. He urged more and more poor Hindus to embrace minoritism and asked the CM to grant jobs to all BPL Hindus that attend Church this Sunday.

Faking News thanks our reader Gabbar (not his real name) from Indore for contributing this article.

Government allows FDI in domestic security

New Delhi. Central government has announced that from 2nd October onward, domestic security sector would be open for 49% Foreign Direct Investment (FDI). Coming on heels of the announcement to allow same level of FDI in defense sector, the step has already created a political controversy. The main opposition party BJP has termed the decision as suicidal for the country.

“We are not against FDI, but this government is taking a wrong approach. When we would come to power, we would relook, redefine, and renegotiate the FDI terms and norms for domestic security.” Party leader L K Advani told Faking News. Advani refused to comment on the Faking News exclusive news that Vajpayee could be running for prime minister’s post in next elections.

Communist parties, who had played a major and vital role in forming the present government, has announced to run a civil disobedience movement starting 2nd October to oppose the proposed step.

“This is complete surrender to foreign and capitalist powers, we would continue opposing the government tooth and nail.” CPM leader Brinda Karat told Faking News on phone. She is in China to take part in seminar to brainstorm global milk production across international borders.

But police and administrative departments seem to be happy with the government decision. It should be noted that with such a step, foreign security agencies and intelligence groups can buy stakes in local police departments. Sources say that Delhi Police and Gujarat Police are the most sought after departments by CIA and FBI to buy a stake in.

“There was already 100% FDI (foreign direct involvement) in terrorist activities in the country, in such a situation, allowing FDI in domestic security is a logical and welcome step.” Delhi Police Commissioner YS Dadwal opined.

Although Samajwadi Party is a supporting the government, one of its leaders is terming the step as a conspiracy to make quick bucks. Party leader Abu Azmi showed us the e-mail account of Dadwal to prove his point. In ‘sent mails’ folder, Dadwal has written to Lehman Brothers to underwrite Delhi Police’s books and value it for a possible buyout by NYPD.

“By Allah’s grace, Lehman Brothers went bankrupt, otherwise these anti-Muslim forces would have sold the Delhi Police department within days to America.” Abu Azmi thundered. He claimed that the recent shoot-out at Jamia Nagar in Delhi was a fake encounter aimed at pushing up the valuations of Delhi Police, which is expecting to fetch the maximum price in possible buyout deals. Mr. Azmi refused to divulge to us how he got access to the email account of Mr. Dadwal.

When Faking News contacted Samajwadi Party general secretary Mr. Amar Sigh to get the official reaction of the party, he told us to wait for sometime as party is studying the ramifications of the step. Amar Singh could meet former President Mr. APJ Abdul Kalam to get some clarity.

Common man on the street was a bit confused about the whole issue. An Indian TV channel flashed the news that post foreign acquisition, local police departments can have blonde traffic police officers who would control traffic donning the attire of cheerleaders. The news was reportedly received very enthusiastically by Television Ravaged People (TRP).

Meanwhile domestic markets reacted positively to the news. After having witnessed fall in indices following credit crunch crisis of American financial industry, BSE and NSE bounced back today to end at month high figures.

Ganesh idols vomit milk

Central Bureau. Whole of India was shocked today when idols of Lord Ganesh started vomiting milk in various temples all over the country. As soon the clock struck 12 in the midnight and it was September 21, strange noises started emanating from temples which made people rush out of their homes and run towards the local temples. People couldn’t believe their eyes when they saw idols of Ganesh throwing out milk, mostly split and discolored. Such scenes were reported from cities of Delhi, Jaipur, Kolkata, Mysore, Mumbai and Patna among others.

Faking News wants to remind our viewers that it was exactly 13 years back when whole of India and many parts of the world were shocked and surprised when Ganesh idols had started taking in milk. The wheel turned a full circle today when the idols started throwing out milk, which devotees termed as Lord Ganesh vomiting milk.

“I saw it with my own eyes. Lord Ganesh was upset and vomiting milk. Something terrible is waiting to happen!” exclaimed Nithish from Patna who also made a mobile video of this latest milk miracle. Nitish refused to share the video clip with us saying he has already given it to two national news channels on exclusive basis.

Various theories were doing the rounds to explain this strange scenario. Faithfuls claim that Lord Ganesh is extremely upset with latest happening in India and around the world and he has expressed his anguish and disgust by vomiting milk offered to him thirteen years back.

Not-so-faithfuls maintain that most of the milk offered to Lord Ganesh thirteen years back was contaminated and fake and finally the elephant god could digest it no more. They also think that Lord Ganesh could have got angry because people have gumption to tell him ‘agle baras tu jaldi aana’ (next year come soon) and each year when he comes, they throw him in water.

Whereas the unfaithfuls maintain that it is a publicity stunt by the elephant god who was worried with falling attention he was getting from television channels. His father Lord Shiva was recently in news due to Amarnath Land row in Kashmir, while his uncle incarnate Lord Ram is always in news. Lord Ganesh was worried that even Sai Baba was getting more air-time than him, and he was confined to news only when Ganesh Chaturthi took place where he was shown (un)ceremoniously being dumped in dirty waters.

The rationalists and scientists, who had explained the earlier instance as a result of surface tension, had palpable tension on their faces when confronted to explain the scenario scientifically. They have asked for more time to come up with a scientific explanation of this shocking development.

Whatever be the explanation, the fact that it is happening ‘13’ years after it first appeared on massive scale is giving jitters to people. People see vomiting and number thirteen together as signs of some deep trouble to come.

People have already started praying to save their souls. All those people who had offered impure milk to Lord Ganesh were seen asking for forgiveness in temples, while Ganesh Chaturthi organizers are consulting saints and religious scholars whether immersion of idols in rivers are keeping with the Hindu faith. Television news channels have put a 24-hour animated Ganesh logo on screen and are running special shows each alternate hour to spread awareness about Lord Ganesh.

Faking News appeals to its readers not to panic unnecessarily.

Vajpayee to be BJP's PM candidate again

New Delhi. Veteran BJP leader and former prime minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee has announced that he would be running for the next parliamentary elections and be a candidate for the post of Prime Minister of India. This has given rise to fresh political speculations and controversies.

Political pundits see it as an attempt by BJP to show a moderate face in wake of recent attacks on Christians in BJP ruled states. Vajpayee shares the same birthday with Jesus Christ and there is considerable confusion on marital status of both. Commentators say that these similarities can be leveraged by BJP to offer an olive branch to the Christian community.

But Christian leaders are not impressed. Rev. Walson D’souza told Faking News, “BJP has already shown its true colors by attacking churches in Orissa and Karnataka. The Vajapayee factor is not enough to prove everything has changed. We want their leaders to confess and convert (sic).”

Congress too has ridiculed this flip flop by BJP leadership. “No one can trust these people. How can Vajpayee run for elections when he has weak knees?” wondered Congress spokesperson Abhishek Manu Singhvi.

Hitherto prime ministerial candidate of BJP Mr. L K Advani refused to comment on the whole issue. His silence is being seen as proof of growing divide between the two leaders of the saffron party.

Meanwhile BJP supporters were jubilant after hearing this news as they thought nothing could stop BJP from coming to power in the next parliamentary elections now.

When asked by Faking News reporter how could they be so sure, for BJP lost last parliamentary elections under Vajpayee’s leadership only, the supporters attacked our reporter with sticks and bricks. Our reporter has got a broken collar bone but he is recovering now.

Hrithik Roshan arrested by Police

Wagah Border, Punjab. Film star Hrithik Roshan has been caught by BSF (Border Security Force) trying to smuggle aliens into the country. Hrithik had come here a week back to take part in a joint India Pakistan charity show but it seems it was just an excuse to smuggle aliens into India. These aliens (Faking News readers are advised not to confuse aliens with Pakistani citizens) are reported to have come to India as a part of a dance troupe from Pakistan.

Although Punjab Police has kept Hrithik Roshan in their custody since yesterday night, they are a bit confused about the charges they should frame in the chargesheet. Hrithik can’t be booked under anti-human trafficking laws or under smuggling charges, as aliens are neither human nor tradable goods.

Police is also questioning immigration officials as to how in first place the aliens could be allowed inside the country without having valid documents.

Hrithik’s lawyer is claiming that the detention of the Bollywood star is illegal and first the police should study the law rather than taking illogical actions. He has applied for bail in the case but it seems the star will need to spend at least three days in police custody as courts are closed on weekends.

Faking News tried to contact police officials but they refused to comment. But our sources say that Hrithik was smuggling these aliens to act in the third movie of the to-be-completed trilogy of Koi Mil Gaya, Krrish, and to-be-announced movie (could be Krrish 2). Such aliens are very economical to employ as compared to hiring Indian actors (whose faces are anyway not seen on screen).

An Indian television channel was reported to claim that these are the same aliens who had abducted cows from different part of the country and world. The channel ran a show titled “gaai maata ke gunahgaaron ko sazaa do” (punish the criminals of mother cow) and was questioning police as why were those aliens let off and only Hrithik apprehended.

Faking News again tried to contact police officials but they refused to comment. But again, our sources say that the aliens, whom Hrithik was trying to sign a contract with, had ran away very fast as soon as the police raid began. Most of the police officials were plump and with a bulging belly who could not match the fitness of the aliens. Police has sealed all the borders of Wagah and are carrying out a search operation to nab the aliens.

For Bollywood, it comes as rude shock as most of their superstars are ending going to jail at some point or other.

Decoding terrorists' mission

New Delhi. Faking News has found out that the terrorists attacking Indian cities are not carrying any mission named BAD or BADLA only, as being told by our media and police.

Earlier Indian media told that it was BAD, which representing Bangalore, Ahmedabad, Delhi (terrorists struck in these places in that very order)

Now media says it’s BADLA, meaning revenge (so logical) in Hindi (oops, why not Urdu?), and representing Bangalore, Ahmedabad, Delhi, Lucknow, Agra.

So people in Lucknow and Agra should become insecure and alert.

People of Lakhimpur Kheri and Ludhiana are up in arms and demanding media attention as there is no reason for assuming that they should not be insecure and alert.

Three times Member of Parliament from Lakhimpur Kheri Mr. Ravi Prakash Verma, who hails from Samajwadi Party, has accused the Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Behen Mayawati of neglecting Lakhimpur Kheri’s security because the constituency has been defeating BSP nominees in parliamentary elections year after year.

Similary people in Ludhiana, Amritsar, Allahabad, and other cities with names starting from “L” or “A” are protesting, claiming they are insecure and alert.

Faking News editorial team believes that it can’t be only BAD or BADLA and our team thinks following could be the possibilities:

BADNASEEB = Bangalore Ahmedabad Delhi Nagpur Amritsar Shillong Erankulam Etawah Bardhman

BADTAMEEZ = Bangalore Ahmedabad Delhi Tatanagar Allahabad Mumbai Etah Eluru Zulasan

There could be many other possibilities too. Faking News asks its readers to come up with suggestions so that our police, investigation agencies, and governments can protect us.

Please comment on this article and tell us what could be the terrorists' mission name, and which cities should be insecure and alert.

Genuine Milk Powder kills many in China

Chini lolipop, China. Our BP correspondent from Yili is reporting that false rumors about milk powder scam are doing the rounds of our globe twice a day. All China hating, profit mongering, capitalist media outlets are reporting that fake milk powder is responsible for many child deaths in China.

Nothing could be closer to lies. The genuine story begins in year of the red mouse (last month for the china haters of the world). Communist Party decided to import genuine milk powder, for the Beijing Olympics, from Switzerland. ISI got hold of this information and sold it to North Korea for truck full of Rakhi Sawant’s pirated Videos. Kim Jung ILL passed on this information to George Bush in lieu of a commitment to ignore all CIA reports of Kim Jung’s death in the year of the blue lizard. Then, Georgie Boy threatened to make this human right abuse public if China did not keep their mouth shut during the NSG meeting in Vienna.

By now, the Chinese were very angry as they had realized that Chinese athletes could not digest genuine milk anyway. So, they decided to scrap the milk import from Switzerland. Swiss government had already acquired 10 truckloads of Oxytocin injection from New Zealand in return for their opposition to India’s 123 at Vienna. The Swiss cows were injected and refused to cancel the order. So the Swiss threatened to make the details of all Communist party accounts public. Finally, after 60 long years, genuine milk powder landed in China.

Red Army was called in to safely store this powder in a safe house in Mongolia till the Olympics were successfully terminated. And we all know what an Olympics it was. Unfortunately, the guards had one drink too many during the post Olympic celebrations and the CIA operatives on prowl quickly took over the cargo. After driving the cargo to a rural area on super highway 4404509 they realized what it was. So they gave it for free to the proud rural folks who had never seen milk powder before and thought it was Heroine.

The simpletons gave this “Afeem” to their children thinking that it would calm them down for a few hours but alas God had something else in mind. Communist party has strongly condemned God for this disaster and banned him again from entering China.

We want to thank Chi-Chi, Mo-chi and Kalu-ji for their support in completing this report. Names have been changed to protect identities.

Faking News thanks our reader Gabbar (not his real name) from Indore for contributing this article

Shivraj has Sonia's blessings

New Delhi. One day after Faking News proved beyond doubt that Home Minister Shivraj Patil was completely innocent in ‘cloth changing’ scam, this confidence has been reposed by the central government in the Home Minister. All the speculations that he would be asked to resign have proved to be fake.

Speaking exclusively to Faking News yet again, Home Minister told that he has been vindicated. “I never did anything wrong and fortunately our leader Sonia Gandhi believes it.” Shivraj Patil sighed a relief.

When asked by Faking News why should Sonia Gandhi’s opinion matter to him more than anyone else’s, Shivraj Patil laughed at our innocent question.

“Sonia Ji is the tallest personality today in India, she has the goodwill and confidence of millions of Indians. Being under Sonia Ji is a matter of pride for me.” Home Minister informed us.

Inquisitive by nature, Faking News decided to probe the matter even further to find out if indeed Sonia Gandhi was the tallest personality. We were more confused about it as Mr. Patil himself is a very tall personality.

It seems Mr. Patil could understand our predicament and hence he shared with us a picture, which we have published at the end of this report for the benefit of our readers. It proves (yet again) beyond doubt that Ms. Sonia Gandhi indeed is a towering personality as seen by Mr. Shivraj Patil. Faking News thanks our home minister who has immaculate ability to understand what a common man thinks and wants.

Scam unearthed in Aamir Khan's TV show

Mumbai. A major political and moral storm was brewing today when the news of a twin brother-sister duo faking to be a married couple came to light. The accused duo is reported to have acted this scandalizing way in order to win the grand finale award of 10 Crores rupees (around 2.5 Million US Dollars) from reality show “Tata Sky Humroop Humsafar”.

The regular readers of Faking News would know that this reality show is hosted by film star Aamir Khan and was started to promote Tata Sky DTH service. The format of the show is to invite couples who have striking facial similarities (remember Aamir Khan played both the roles of husband and wife in the first TV commercial for Tata Sky) and they are quizzed about each other’s taste and preferences.

The winner of the show was supposed to get a cash award of 10 Crores rupees after Aamir would play, quiz and chat with dozens of couple participants. The accused couple had reached the final round of the show along with two more couples. Their reality has come as a rude shock to citizens of India who were voting for their choice of winner couple.

“This is indeed shameful, all through the show they behaved like husband and wife when they actually were siblings, I feel cheated” a visibly upset Aamir Khan told Faking News.

The accused couple, who actually are twin brother and sister, hail from Midnapore district of West Bengal and are extremely poor. We are not disclosing their names to protect their privacy.

(Oh hell, all you guys watched them on TV, ain’t it? Okay, so Faking News editorial team has decided to disclose their identity.)

The accused couple’s names are Shahid and Sakina. They belong to extremely poor family and had lost their parents in childhood when their parents were killed in 1993 Mumbai communal riots. Now all these vital facts are giving rise to a heated political debate in India.

A mufti from Azamgarh has issued fatwa and declared the acts of Shahid and Sakina as unislamic and bringing disrepute to the Muslim community. Mufti has also castigated Aamir Khan for hosting shows where couples are asked private questions in public. He has suggested blackening the face of Aamir Khan, flogging Shahid with 100 lashes in pubic, and beheading Sakina.

Vishwa Hindu Parishad (VHP) has declared that actually Shahid and Sakina are Bangladeshi infiltrators, and they have ganged up with Aamir Khan to inject moral corruption in Indian (Hindu) society. VHP maintains that it’s not a new thing for siblings to get married among Muslim community, but such a trend can’t be tolerated by Hindus.

Mr. Bhomish Roy, professor of sociology at JNU, has suggested that poverty and incest are directly correlated and the society has to come down from the moral high ground and look at the whole matter objectively.

Mamaji Productions, the producers of the reality show, refused to comment on the whole issue saying their lawyers and public relations consultants are taking a look at the whole affair.

An Indian television news channel has kicked off a campaign ‘Sharm Karo Sakina’ (shame on you Sakina) and is soliciting SMSs from people to voice opinion on such a dangerous trend.

Meanwhile Shahid and Sakina were weeping inconsolably when Faking News reporter contacted them. Shahid told us that he needed money to marry off Sakina to a good family and start some small business of his own. They realized that they should not have taken this short cut to make money, but they thought television was never to be taken seriously.

Proved: Shivraj Patil's innocense

New Delhi. All the leading news channels of India were baying for Home Minister Shivraj Patil’s blood for last couple of days, for he was accused of changing clothes three times on the day bombs went off in New Delhi. Faking News, with an inherent bias against Indian TV News Channels, decided to probe deeply into the affair.

For the uninitiated, Faking News wants to make it clear that it is not a crime for an Indian Home Minister to change clothes. We also want to remind our viewers that there have been MPs who had changed their parties and stances more frequently that Shivraj Patil changed his clothes in trust vote a few weeks back. So why should Shivraj Patil be targeted?

Television channels accused Shivraj Patil of wasting time in changing clothes while he should have concentrated on solving country’s security problems or listening to problems of common man.

Faking News has found out that, as usual, it is a big lie being propagated by Indian News Channels. Our special correspondent has found this EXCLUSIVE video which proves beyond doubt that changing clothes does NOT require much time, and hence Shivraj Patil can NOT be accused of wasting time.

Reacting to this report, Home Minister Shivraj Patil had conveyed his deepest regard for type of journalism being practiced by Faking News. He accused other news organizations of sensationalism, and has written a letter to I&B Minister to put a tight vigil on them.

Faking News also advised Shivraj Patil to buy seven sets of similar looking suits for himself so that change in clothing suits are not noticed by journalists in future. Home Minister thanked our team for this gesture and has awarded his wardrobe contract to our sales team.

Rakhi Sawant blasts Shivraj Patil

Mumbai. Speaking exclusively to Faking News, Rakhi Sawant has accused Shivraj Patil of giving too much importance to clothes and ignoring domestic security issues.

Rakhi has appealed to all Indian leaders to wear as less clothes as her in order to save time and discharge their responsibilities.

If you agree with Rakhi’s views, please send ‘ME NUDE’ as an SMS to 6969 and win fabulous prizes.

Exposed: Symonds' fishy affair

Sydney, Australia. Faking News has found out the ‘reason’ why Andrew Symonds has been out of cricket in recent times. While other news sites and channels have been giving you just the news of Symonds having dumped a team meeting and gone fishing instead, we bring to you the exclusive pictures of Symonds actually catching a fish.

The adjoining picture has been taken by a Faking News stringer (ad hoc, part time reporter) who found Symonds fishing at a lake in New South Wales.

Symonds tried to hide himself beyond the giant fins of the fish that he had caught, but our alert stringer could not be fooled. You can see Symonds very clearly in the picture. For your convenience, we have also drawn a red circle (as most of the Indian news channels do) around Symond’s face.

Our stringer, whose name we are not publishing due to security reasons, was also threatened by Symonds and was chased away after this photograph was clicked.

Meanwhile Faking News has learnt that Symonds is planning an appeal against the decision of punishing him for fishing. His attorney will argue that fishing is the natural right and haibt of an aborigine, and by such a decision, Symonds has been made a victim as he belongs to a minority, downtrodden, and underprivileged community.

Symonds’ Attorney is an Indian, our sources have told.

Confusion over sex of new Paki President

Islamabad, Pakistan. Mohammad Gayub Alam of Rawalpindi has moved a petition in Supreme Court of Pakistan to determine the sex of the new President of Pakistand Asif Ali Zardari. Gayub says that he suspects Zardari to be a transgender or a she-male.

In his petition, Gayub has cited press reports like these where nearly a month back Asif Ali Zardari had declared that next President of Pakistan would be a woman. Zardari, then, had denied that he (widely assumed to be a male at that point of time) intends to be the President of Pakistan. But only last week, Zardari was sworn in as the latest President of Pakistan.

Gayub Alam inisists that a Muslim can’t tell a lie and Zardari’s words and actions must match. The only way it could match was if Zardari indeed was a woman.

Supreme Court of Pakistan has decided to take up this issue after the month of Ramadan.

Faking News wishes its Muslim readers a pious and happy month of Ramadan.

Tata's Singur project is on

Kolkata. Tata’s Singur project is finally on the right track as a compromise formula has been reached. The company has decided to rename its 1-lakh rupees car as DiDi.

Earlier media reports had suggested that the car would be called Nano, but now sources from Tata are telling Faking News that Nano is a complete no-no now, and the car would be called DiDi.

Apparently, this step has been taken to assuage the feeling of West Bengal opposition leader Ms. Mamta Banerjee, who is also fondly addressed as ‘didi’.

In fact, Tata has beautifully balanced the political equations in the state of West Bengal by further declaring that all the models of DiDi would be red in color. Red color is the favorite color of ruling leftists.

With this, common man would soon be able to see their didi in red.

India TV bats for cows

Not Fake: Patient Hijacks Ambulance

SPRINGFIELD, Mass. — A patient being taken by ambulance to the hospital hijacked the vehicle and led police on a chase before crashing, authorities said.

Police say the incident began at about 9:30 p.m. on Sunday when West Springfield emergency medical technicians were taking the man to Mercy Medical Center.

But the patient, identified by police as 49-year-old James Williams, allegedly began beating the EMTs, who jumped out of the vehicle.

Springfield Police Lt. Robert Strzempek says the patient then drove through the Peter Pan bus terminal hitting a bus and a parked car. The chase ended when the patient collided head-on with a car on Main Street. There were no serious injuries.

Williams faces a variety of charges including larceny of a motor vehicle, assault and battery with a dangerous weapon.

Source

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