Faking News moves to a new host

We have finally decided to give Faking News a more professional look and feel (at least that is what we think we are doing) and hence this blog would be shifted to a different server.

The original blog (where you are reading this post) and news reports will still be available at http://newsflush.blogspot.com

Faking News might be temporarily unavailable at http://www.fakingnews.com for sometime due to this migration and limited technological skills of Pagal Patrakar.

But we hope everything would be alright soon.

See you in a new get up!

SRK was detained at US airport due to stammering

New York, USA. Following the uproar in India over Bollywood superstar Shahrukh Khan being held up for around two hours at an airport, the American security officials have finally issued a statement denying any racial or religious profiling being the reason behind the incident. But officials have confirmed that the Indian actor was detained because he indeed was perceived to be a threat to the domestic security, because of his famous stammering.

“When Mr. Khan was asked his name, he told – My name is K K K… Before he could complete his sentence, the junior security official detained him for being a suspect supporter of the banned organization. Later on we watched various interviews and movies by Mr. Khan and concluded that he stammers at the ‘K’ letter, so we let him go. Watching all those movies and interviews could have taken much more time as Indians talk a lot and make quite lengthy movies, but to our credit, we finished the business within two hours.” a security official told.

The homeland security department categorically denied any religious profiling in the incident as they argued that Shahrukh didn’t appear Muslim to them.

“His name surely is pathetic, but he doesn’t wear that tube wrapped turban. He also has no beard without moustache and he doesn’t stink like a goat. No copy of that holy book was found in his luggage and he didn’t ask for a permission to say prayers while being detained. He surely doesn’t look Muslim to us. We don’t profile anybody on religious grounds.” the security official explained.

The department also denied any racial profiling though they agreed that Shahrukh did appear Asian to them and he needed to work on his skin color and accent.

“Yes, he indeed appears very much Indian – a show off and whining boy like most of you. But we do such stuff to celebrities of all origins. I hope you know that one of our junior officials detained the legendary singer and musician Bob Dylan and asked for his identity proof. It happened the same day when we were watching those pathetic movies of your stammering Khan. We like being close and personal with celebrities, no profiling or bias here.” the security official further explained.

Back home, Indian I&B minister Ambika Soni has rejected all these claims and explanations of the US security officials and has reiterated her proposed policy of ‘tit for tat’. A government circular issued at all international airports in India has asked the security officials to strip search all American VIPs, especially actors and actresses. The circular has been issued with joint collaboration of the tourism and culture ministry under the “Incredible India” campaign.

Railways denies putting up photos of Lalu Yadav in toilets

New Delhi. The issue of putting up photos of ex-railway minister Mr. Lalu Yadav in train toilets is turning into a political potboiler. The incident was first brought to light by a Faking News reader traveling from Kolkata to New Delhi in Rajdhani Express, who clicked the photographs from his mobile phone. The photographs showed stickers in train toilets urging passengers to not be a ‘lalu’ and keep the toilets clean.

Such disdainful disrespect shown to a national leader has given rise to allegations and counter allegations by leaders. Parliament proceedings were disrupted several times by RJD members today who demanded an apology from the current railway minister Mamta Banerjee. The members accused Mamtadi of indulging in ‘loo level’ politics and threatened to uproot railway tracks and toilet seats if the minister didn’t apologize.

But Mamtadi has termed such allegations as ‘rubbish’ and denied that the stickers were officially put up by the Railways. She suspected CPM workers to be behind the act, an allegation vehemently denied by the communist party.

“Mamta Banerjee is fully capable of stooping so low. There is nothing new in it. In the past, she had supported Maoists and blamed it on CPM. This is just another act carried out by her for which she is blaming us out of her habit.” CPM leader Prakash Karat alleged.

The whole controversy was later given an interesting twist by Bihar Chief Minister Nitish Kumar, who claimed that the stickers were pasted by Lalu Yadav supporters themselves. Nitish Kumar advised CPM and Mamta Banerjee not to fight over the issue.

“Laluji is desperate to be in news. RJD workers have been wondering why the media and society was not discussing them even after they suffered such a heavy electoral defeat. The media spent most of their time discussing the downfall of BJP but no words were mentioned for RJD. This had upset Laluji and his supporters, who have done this to be back in news.” Nitish Kumar postulated.

Expectedly RJD has criticized the Bihar CM for making such comments. The party has now decided to postpone their railway track and toilet seat uprooting campaign and have decided to start a public urinating drive in Bihar to oppose Nitish Kumar’s statement.

“Our workers will piss at all public places in Bihar and won’t use flush afterwards to register protest. We will start our protest by mass urinating at CM’s residence tomorrow at 3 PM. All of you are welcome to witness the event.” an RJD leader informed.

First man to have given a bribe in independent India dies

Gorakhpur. Jawahar Tiwari, the first man who had given out a bribe to a government official in independent India, died after prolonged illness today morning. He was 92 years old and was bedridden with malarial fever for over three months. Jawahar had shot to fame last year when an investigation by an NGO claimed that he was the first person in independent India who was involved in a bribery case, although unregistered and undocumented, as a bribe giver.

“My father had paid the bribe rather reluctantly and after a lot of self rationalization. Initially he had it as a burden on his conscious but later on as he saw the Indian society evolve, he felt proud and used to flaunt his bribe giving stories to everyone, including that NGO which later on published it in their report.” Raju, the eldest among the five children of Jawahar Tiwari who could survive beyond the age of 12, told Faking News.

The story goes back to 1952 when Jawahar Tiwari worked as a ‘malaria officer’ in one of the tribal areas of Jharkhand (then a part of Bihar) entrusted with the task of inoculating people and sanitizing the area against threats of malaria. He was running late on schedule and one of the districts was yet to be visited by him. Jawahar wondered how he would meet his goal as well as the deadline on his job.

“That district always had people dying in summer due to heat strokes and there were hardly any basic amenities available. People didn’t even have water, let alone roads or electricity. My father knew that there was no chance a mosquito could grow or survive in such terrible conditions. Locals could die of any reason but malaria. Therefore he decided to skip that district.” Raju recounted the story.

But Jawahar Tiwari needed to show the district as ‘covered’ by him in the government records, hence he approached the local District Magistrate with his predicament. The DM asked for a bribe in lieu of handing out a fake certificate that his district was covered by Mr. Tiwari. After a lot of introspection Mr. Tiwari agreed to bribe the DM, creating the first ‘successful’ bribery case in independent India as per an NGO.

“We couldn’t track back any older identifiable case of bribery in independent India. Jawaharji shared most of the details but refused to name the district or share the whereabouts of the DM as apparently that guy went on to become a very powerful and respected person in society. Maybe he feared some counterattack.” Maanav Mehta, the coordinator of the NGO that carried out the investigations told Faking News.

Jawahar Tiwari had concealed this incident from most people, including his family members for many years. But when he heard his grandson claiming proudly how he and his friends got admission in a medical college after paying a bribe of 5 lakh rupees each, he wondered if bribery was an ‘in-thing’ and socially acceptable norm in modern times. Convinced, he started sharing his story with everyone.

“We are proud of our father. Very few people had the foresight and guts to carry out such things in those times. He couldn’t take bribe due to some strange feeling of guilt all his life or we would have been really a happy and prosperous family today.” Raju told.

Man diagnosed with Swine Flu refuses to be quarantined

New Delhi. Sweety Singh, a man diagnosed with Swine Flu has refused to be quarantined, claiming that if he was kept in the same room with other patients, he could be ‘corrupted’ and might contact a severe case of the disease. Sweety was diagnosed with a possible case of Swine Flu on July 31st when a Nashik based businessman allegedly injected H1N1 virus into him by force.

“My son is being framed. He is healthy and fit. Anyone can say that just by looking at him. Why should he be treated like an untouchable and kept separate from the society? Because we are dalits?” Sweety’s father Juta Singh told media persons as his son filed an application in the hospital to be exempted from being quarantined.

Juta Singh is the head of a commission set up by the government to check spread of Swine Flu in the country. His son Sweety was earlier accused of taking bribe from a Nashik based businessman for spreading the disease. The businessman dealt in selling medicines for the treatment of Swine Flu and spread of the disease would have helped his business. Sweety allegedly took the bribe but didn’t work efficiently, which angered the businessman who forcibly injected the H1N1 virus into him.

Sweety Singh is now suffering from Swine Flu and doctors of the hospital believe that he has all the symptoms of the disease and if he was allowed to roam freely, he could influence others and spread the flu into other parts of the country. Following refusal by the doctors, Sweety and Juta Singh have now decided to move to court.

“These guys are jealous of us and there is a political conspiracy being hatched. Hardened criminals are allowed to roam and mingle in the society, then why should I be quarantined just because I have flu?” Sweety wondered and expressed confidence that he’d get relief from the court.

Reports last coming in confirmed that Sweety was indeed allowed by the court to be exempted from being quarantined.