India declares war(ning) on terrorism

New Delhi. Home minister Shivraj Patil skipped an important meeting with his tailor to announce India’s very own War-ning on Terror. A warning under Article 355 was issued to all Hindu-terrorists in Karnataka and Orissa who attack Churches and vandalize property. He also mentioned that Hindus in UPA ruled states and minorities of all shapes and sizes are exempt from this warning. A special exemption is also allowed for Madhya Pradesh and Chattisgarh as these states will go to the polls later this year.

Responding to this war-ning cry from UPA, BJP said that it was merely an election stunt by UPA. Minorities are safest in BJP ruled states because the majority is freest in those states. Also, Churches occupy prime property in India and it is in the Nation’s interest to convert these into multi use complexes. Karnataka CM Yediyurrapa said that he has forwarded the warning to all the vandals in his state and requested the Home minister to sanction 100 crores to rebuild damaged properties. Orissa CM Naveen Patanaik could not be reached for comment as he was busy making a prioritized list of minorities from 3 million people in flood affected Mahanadi delta.

CPM said that George Bush was behind this war-ning as he had issued similar warnings to Pakistani citizens in NWFP earlier. As we all know now, these warnings eventually led to American strikes in NWFP and CPM warned that America will resort to direct strikes on Indian citizens later.

An SMS poll conducted by Faking News revealed that Indian citizens would welcome any move by America to attack terrorist installations in India directly. PM Manmohan Singh hinted that he will talk to George Bush about a “123 Terror Deal” during his current US visit.

Meanwhile, the stone headed vandals of Bajrang Dal are headed for a holiday in Goa. They were merely attacking buildings not the Christian people. They are convinced that it is the buildings that are at the root of the conversion issue. Christian converts are Hindus after all and cannot be responsible for conversions in any way.

Arch Bishop of India has welcomed this move by the Government although he termed it as too little too late. He said that minorities had to put up with a lot of injustice in this country. And only their love for the destitute people of India kept the minorities strong and going. He urged more and more poor Hindus to embrace minoritism and asked the CM to grant jobs to all BPL Hindus that attend Church this Sunday.

Faking News thanks our reader Gabbar (not his real name) from Indore for contributing this article.