2009 arrives with a bang and confusion

New Delhi. Year 2009, like most of the other new years in past, surprised everyone by arriving at different times on different locations. Places lying to the west side of International Date Line were fortunate yet again to see 2009 before other cities and countries could do the same. While scientists still struggled to find out the reason behind this strange supernatural phenomenon, many countries and people exploited it to their benefit.

Australian cricket team captain Ricky Ponting, along with his team mates, boarded a private jet and landed on a place in Antartica to become the first human beings to enter 2009, foxing the residents of Republic of Kiribati who have been traditionally the first ones to enter a new year. On this occasion, Ricky Ponting announced that year 2008 was behind them and they were ready to take on the new challenges in the new year.

“The bad phase is over, it’s history now. Let’s not talk about South Africa or India anymore. It’s our moment. We entered the new year before any one else could. We are still the number one.” Ponting announced.

Taking a cue from his Australian counterpart, Indian cricket captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni too booked a private Boeing to go to Hawaii with his team mates and BCCI officials. Hawaii has been one of the last places that has traditionally bid adieu to an outgoing year.

But it seems that Dhoni and BCCI need not have spent on hiring a private Boeing as latest news coming in suggests that Indian government has delayed admission of 2009 in the official calendar. The government had not come up with any explanation till the time of filing this news report, but various theories were being offered by various experts.

Many people believed that Indian government was waiting for the US government to approve admission of 2009 in the USA before allowing the same within India. This theory was bought by many as it was seen consistent with the recent foreign policies adopted by India.

Among the other theories being offered, two gained considerable acceptance among the masses – first, Indian government was afraid to admit 2009 as the new year was supposed to bring domestic recession as well as a tricky general elections. Second, by not admitting 2009, India was keeping all its options open, a favorite Indian policy.

According to another breaking news that we have received just a moment ago, Pakistan too has delayed admission of 2009, abetted ostensibly by the aforementioned second theory. The theories, and conspiracy theories, for Pakistan’s decision were many – Maulvis of Lal Masjid had decried admission of a Christian new year, Army wanted to wait till India acted, and Faking News’ favorite – Pakistan had simply refused to move ahead.

But away from national and international politics, Bollywood didn’t behave eccentrically while dealing with the new year. Akshay Kumar raised his fee by 20.09% for all kinds of professional acts with effect from the new year day, while Aamir Khan gave finishing touches to his speech for the 2009 Academy Awards. Salman Khan announced that he would marry someone by the end of 2009, while Shahrukh Khan declared that he would act in a leading romantic role with one of the lucky girls born on 1st January 2009.

Even while confusion on the arrival of year 2009 continued till the time of filing of this news report, common people made supposedly solemn new year resolutions. Faking News team could not make any resolution as all of us were busy drinking, save this lone reporter, who has just completed this news report and is now wishing you all a very Happy and Prosperous New Year 2009.