Why is Ramalinga Raju unhappy?

Hyderabad. Unconfirmed sources have revealed that Raju is terribly unhappy about Slumdog Millionaire getting the Golden Globe award for the "Best Screenplay". His unhappiness basically stems from the fact that his company's Balance Sheet was not even considered for the nomination.

"The P&L statement of my company is already a bestseller in the FICTION category across the world." Raju has been quoted as saying. This quote actually comes as a surprise to a lot of financial analysts who now believe that the company's accounts should actually be sold in the recipes section as the company has been doing nothing but cooking the books.

Incidentally, this is not the first time that Raju has expressed his displeasure over an issue. He has in the past reacted to his company being sidelined in the favor of biggies like Infosys, when it comes to matters like Corporate Governance. Raju told a section of media "my company has been contributing in its own way to the India STORY." He sees himself as a man of steely vision. "If Sardar Patel was the iron man of India, I am the man of STEAL", he was heard saying.

Talking of Corporate Governance, Raju also clarified on the issue of Golden Peacock award being taken away from them. "It was a misunderstanding to start with", Raju clarified. As it turns out, when Raju proclaimed "I want a share of your wallet", investors thought he was talking to the customers. The fact that he was actually talking to the investors themselves was not realized by anybody.

In these tough times for Raju, help came from an unexpected quarter - Bollywood. One director is working on a plot where a small time guy from village gets trapped in the pressures of corporate world and does everything possible to show profits quarter after quarter. He however has a change of heart after seven years and confesses to everything bad done by him, exonerating everyone else in the company from the scam. The title has been registered as "Raju Ban Gaya Gentleman".

This director, just for the record, was not on the board of Satyam. This makes him an "independent director" as far as this issue is concerned.

Despite bad news flocking from all quarters, Raju has not lost hope. "Afterall our national emblem itself quotes - Satyamev Jayate: In the end, only Satyam Triumphs", Raju expressed hope.

Disclaimer: All the quotes in this article are as fictitious as Satyam's cash.

(This special story has been reported by Faking News special correspondent Shashank)