Japanese finance minister joins United Breweries Group

Tokyo, Japan. Japanese Finance Minister Shoichi Nakagawa, who resigned on Tuesday over charges of attending a press conference in an inebriated state, has decided to join Vijay Mallya’s UB Group as General Manager of International Business unit. Sources say that Nakagawa could also act as a brand ambassador for the Mallya’s new soon-to-be-launched brand of rum - “Recession”.

“Spirits should be up (when/with) markets down. Mallya is indianly (sic.) good and I take the job tomorrow. Japan up (mumbles…) I am happy for my men and women. Hic!” Nakagawa explained and announced his decision in a press conference, where he again seemed to have come after drinking heavily, though he denied being under influence of alcohol.

UB Group Chairman Vijay Mallya too was present at the press conference wearing a Hawaiian shirt and Japanese sarong. He welcomed Nakagawa into the UB family and expressed confidence that not only the Japanese, but people all over the world would enjoy his new brand of rum.

“Recession can take you to places you can’t even imagine. Do you think Pietersen (former English cricket team captain) had imagined he’d earn so much when his own parliament was thinking how to safeguard people’s income against economic slowdown? Only UB could have done it and will continue doing it. All you need is a Recession.” Mallya raised a toast to Recession.

Nakagawa will spearhead campaigns and strategy to push Recession down each lane of Japan, and would be assisted in this job by Mallya’s team. However some people in UB Group wants Nakagawa to first implement his strategy in India, where pub-going has suddenly become talking point, and a new brand of rum could meet this sudden rise in demand.

Journalists present at the press conference too were offered a couple of pegs of Recession. Faking News correspondent fainted after sipping just a couple of drops of it, pushing all other journalists into unbridled bouts of laughter. The journalists praised Mallya for coming up with such a strong product in troubled times.

“I hope all of you have now got your news-pegs now.” Mallya winked towards the end of the press conference.