God sorry for creating woman!

New Delhi. On International Women’s Day, Faking News was shocked to receive an e-mail, apparently sent by the almighty God himself (or herself?), expressing regret for having created woman.

“I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have created woman. I’m sorry.”

This is all that the e-mail body read. Sender’s display name read as “GOD”, while the e-mail address of the sender read as “undisclosed”.

Our team got the e-mail checked and verified from lawyers, policemen, software engineers, bankers, managers, Bollywood actors, politicians and bureaucrats, but all of them were unable to confirm with confidence that the e-mail could have been a hoax, following which Faking News concluded that the e-mail was from God only.

But this terse e-mail from God has caused widespread confusion and bickering among people on earth. Different groups are interpreting the e-mail in their own way, claiming their respective interpretations as the true representation of God’s will.

Jaish-e-Mardana (JeM), a militant group operating in Swat valley of Pakistan, has declared that God was unhappy with today’s womankind for having gone astray from the true path. The group has warned all women that they should submit to the will of God and stop wearing sinful dresses and reading heretic books. JeM has warned that if woman didn’t mend their ways, they might be forced to behead them to lessen the sorrow of God.

“We always knew that God was sorry for what today’s infidel women were doing. Women were not made to do men’s jobs, else why would have God made women at all? Wasn’t God better off creating more men to do men’s jobs? Women must follow this order from God and start behaving properly. Today God is sorry, tomorrow he’d be angry. We can’t let the world face the wrath of God due to errant women.” JeM chief Mardood Azgar thundered.

Mardood’s sentiments were echoed by some groups operating in India too. Representatives of Stree Roko Sena (SRS) i.e. army to stop women, too have claimed that that God was unhappy with wayward lifestyle of women and was sorry for the same.

“Today women spend more time in pubs drinking wine and talking dirty than at home bringing up children. God is sorry to see such scenes and is so unhappy that he wishes that he shouldn’t have created these debauched drunkards at first place. Our representatives will not let this shameful game go on in the name of liberty. Now we have the blessings from God himself.” SRS chief Pramod Maintalli claimed.

Similar thoughts were expressed by many other organizations too, all claiming their interpretation of God’s terse words as the most authentic and final, threatening each other to kill over the differences. Although the aggression and extremism of such organizations was not backed or matched by them, many experts and sociologists too believed that God had every reason to be unhappy with his decision to create woman.

“History is witness how men had to suffer right from the day God created woman. First she made the innocent man eat the forbidden fruit and be expelled from heavens to earth, and if that was not enough, she brought miseries to earth in Pandora ’s Box. God has finally realized his mistake after seeing ages of suffering man had to go through. Better late than never.” Farren Warrel, a leading Man’s rights activist and a progressive masculinist told Faking News.

But there were many people who completely rubbished all such claims and accused Faking News and other media organizations of blowing everything out of proportion.

“I wonder why Faking News didn’t get the e-mail checked by priests, religious scholars, theologians, or even philosophers. They have solicited reactions and opinions from people who must not dabble in religious matters. This has given undue importance to useless and senseless ideas.” Choam Nomsky, a media critic and linguist, blasted our reporter.

Finally when Faking News asked a few theologians and other philosophers over their take on the e-mail by God, they had a completely opposite view from what was being widely believed by the majority. This was one of the reactions we got –

“God is indeed sorry for women. Who won’t be? Just take a look around and you’d understand. What have men done to this creation of God? She is subjugated, exploited, denied basic rights, humiliated, and even exterminated. God created women because man pleaded for a companion. God obliged, and today God is sorry that he yielded to man’s most devious of the demands.”