Pole dancing declared an Olympic sport

Paris, France. The International Olympic Committee (IOC) has decided to include “pole dancing” as an Olympic event in 2012 London Olympics, and has hinted that it could become a regular event thereafter if it received favorable reactions for the first time. Pole dancing would be categorized as a gymnastics event and would have seven rounds for each participant, apart from the heats (qualifying rounds).

“Pole dancing has ceased to be just a striptease and has come out of the topless bars. Today it is widely acknowledged as a performing art. IOC thought to take note of this shift in the nature of the act and give it a new platform by recognizing it further as an Olympic sport. We have decided to admit pole dancing as one of the sporting event in London Summer Olympics.” IOC chief Rogue Jackson informed.

IOC has set up a committee to finalize standards for the pole dancing event like attire of the dancers and height and radius of the pole. A general consensus was reached among the committee member to have hollow poles for the event, but sharp differences existed over the substance to be used to make the poles. While some members favored stainless steel poles, others were strongly in favor of bamboo poles.

Even as the IOC is busy finalizing the finer details of the proposed event, a controversy has already started brewing in the international sports community over the move. Initial reports suggested that China had objected to the move calling it an American conspiracy to inject ‘winnable’ games in Olympics to push up its tally.

“USA was stung by what happened in 2008 Beijing Olympics. They couldn’t digest China coming on top and now are using such cheap tactics to introduce games that only Americans play. China will not let it happen.” Chinese Olympic Association chief Kud Fand told Faking News.

But Mr. Fand was soon silenced by the Chinese establishment, which called the outbursts of Fand as ‘premature’ and ‘knee-jerk’. Our sources tell us that China is pressurizing IOC to finalize bamboo poles for the event and the government has already set up a bamboo pole manufacturing unit in its bamboo giving province of Tibet. Our Chinese correspondent was jailed when he tried to get the official reaction over this issue. Later in the day, the Chinese premier’s office issued the following press statement:

“The rumors that China is trying to earn business out of pole dancing event are baseless, malafide, and treacherous. We are supporting pole dancing event as such events can go a long way in attracting today’s youth, who has been fast losing interest in Olympic sports. A bamboo will just help in molding the taste and preferences of today’s youth, as has been our national practice.”

Not only China, but other countries too have expressed reservations over this controversial move of the IOC. Many countries have criticized IOC for lowering the standards and shameless commercialization of games. Muslim countries have especially taken exception to the development. They have declared that they will not take part in the poll dancing event and their citizens would boycott all such events. Some groups in Pakistan have threatened to blow all pole dancers with grenades if IOC didn’t take back its decision.

“We always knew that sports are just a veiled conspiracy to corrupt pious minds. We have seen how female gymnasts and tennis stars are actually nothing but fashion models, now it hits a further low. First they turned my daughter into a pole dancer and now they are conspiring to convert all pious Muslim women into sinful dancers. But soldiers of Allah will thwart any such attempt.” Omar Bakri, leader of al-Muhajiroun group, backed the Pakistani groups.

Many groups in neighboring India too have cried foul over attempts to induct pole dancing as an Olympic sport. The issue has also taken political color as general elections are near in India. The main opposition party BJP has termed the development as another example of failure by the Congress government in protecting national interests.

“Congress could not get the real Indian sport of Kabaddi included even in the Commonwealth Games, while Americans have been able to achieve this. Now instead of promoting Kabaddi, Congress will set up pole dancing schools all over the country. This is an insult to Indian culture and indigenous sports. BJP will not allow any pole dance in the country.” BJP leader Arun Jaitley told Faking News.

Sri Ram Sena (SRS), which came into news for beating up women in a pub in Magalore, also declared that SRS will not allow any pole dancing school or organization to be opened and run in the country. SRS chief Pramod Muthalik told Faking News that he always suspected that all women indulged in shameful pole dancing inside pubs and that’s why his men beat up the women.

But ruling Congress has rubbished all such claims and denied that the party had any plans to start a string of pole dancing schools in the country. The party leaders refused to comment on the issue whether they considered pole dancing to be inimical to Indian culture. Our sources say that the party doesn’t want to create any controversy ahead of the poles polls.

Meanwhile pole dancers all over the world are happy over the proposed move by the IOC and have started preparing for the London Olympics. One of the pole dancers of India, on conditions of anonymity, told us that she can bring an Olympic Gold for India if given a chance. She told that she has upped her tempo of dancing keeping in mind the Olympic motto – Citius, Altius, Fortius — "Faster, Higher, Stronger".