Why Tendulkar could not break Lara’s record

Bengaluru. While all the Indian cricket fans wondered why Sachin Tendulkar could not break Brian Lara’s record of maximum test runs in Bangalore/Bengaluru test, Faking News decided to undertake some serious analysis of the situation before any Indian news channel could do the same. Here is our exclusive report on why Sachin Tendulkar could not break Brian Lara’s record.

Our editorial team found out that Tendulkar was wearing a shirt which had 187 written under BCCI logo on the left side (if you get confused between left and right sides of a picture, we have drawn a red circle for your convenience. Wait, do you get confused between different geometric shapes as well?). Our editorial team found out that 187 was the numeric code for the crime of murder in the U.S. state of California. Clearly, that proved to be fatal for Tendulkar.

Our team also called up a world renowned numerologist Mr. Dus Numbari, who informed us, after three hours of intense analysis, that digits of 187 added up to 16. Since Tendulkar is a special person, he has the power of putting a square on any number, hence 16 becomes 16x16 i.e. 256. Now sum of digits of 256 add to 13 (2+5+6 = 13). Whoa! Such an unlucky number! No wonder Tendulkar had to get out at 49 (again the digits add up to 13!) wearing such an unlucky shirt.

But it is not just bad numbers that has caused Tendulkar to miss the opportunity to break the record. Our sports team, in joint analysis with our science team, found out that Tendulkar carries the bat in a flawed style. As shown in the figure with yellow arrows, the style causes him to put extra pressure on his elbow, already weakened due to tennis elbow. If we apply the principle of leverage, we find that Tendulkar ends up exerting double the amount of pressure on his elbow as is exerted by the weight of his bat. Little Master will have to correct his style if he wants to break Lara’s record.

But apart from his bad numbers and bad style, Tendulkar’s stars were also against him and in fact, had he looked at his Kundli before going to the match, he would have known the result. Faking News contacted world-renowned astrologer and soothsayer Shri Shri 420 Khopadi Baba, who explained to us the bad effect of stars and planets on Tendulkar’s performance.

One can clearly see that Surya is in fifth house and Chandrama is in tenth house of Tendulkar’s Kundli. Khopadi Baba explained that Surya represents Sunday and Chandrama represents Monday – the two days when Tendulkar batted in his second innings. The sum of house numbers of these planets is ten plus five i.e. fifteen, which is exactly the number of runs Tendulkar fell short of while looking to break Brian Lara’s record!

Khopadi Baba feels that Tendulkar should not have gone on to bat on Sunday and instead Ganguly should have been promoted to come up the batting order. This would have meant that Tendulkar would have been left with the challenge to ward off Chandrama only. He would have easily warded off Chandrama as its house number is ten, and Tendulkar is lucky with number ten.

Faking News strongly believes that had Tendulkar or team management consulted Khopadi Baba or some good astrologer before getting on to the field, he might have been spared of these ill effects and Indian fans would have got to see their cricketing god scaling new heights on Monday.

We hope our little master and team management show concern and respect to the feelings of Faking News and its readers and don’t repeat the same mistakes in the next test match. Amen.