Michael Jackson appointed ambassador to Pakistan

Washington D.C., USA. US president elect Barack Obama has announced that musician and illusionist Michael Jackson, fondlingly addressed as MJ, will be the new American ambassador to Pakistan. MJ will take oath of office on someday in January, becoming the first ever seemingly Muslim US ambassador to Pakistan.

US has changed the ambassador at a time when tension between India and Pakistan are running high and both the countries are almost on the verge of an armed conflict. The move has baffled political pundits and at the same time given rise to many conspiracy theories.

Mr. P J Antulay, ex chief of ISI, is the first person to come out openly and oppose Michael Jackson’s appointment. Mr. Antulay suspects that MJ has been sent by the American infidels to corrupt and defile Pakistani children.

“Whether he has turned a Muslim is still unproven, but he is a proven child molester. American intelligence agencies have been talking about fundamentalist indoctrination among Pakistani children and he comes here to terrorize our children.” Mr. Antulay told Faking News Karachi correspondent Chaand Nawaab.

But not many agree with the above view. A section of Pakistani media claimed that the current US ambassador to Pakistan, Ms. Anne Patterson, had complained against the habit of Pakistani president Asif Ali Zardari sending her flowers and flirtatious SMS each Tuesday. She asked Washington to either replace herself or the president.

When Washington contacted Zardari’s office to seek clarification on harassment charges, they were asked to produce tangible proofs of Zardari’s involvement. Taking a cue, the US government decided to change their own ambassador instead, the media reports suggest. Apparently one Pakistani news channel possesses a hidden camera recording of Zardari buying flowers for Patterson.

Some people also suspected that USA is sending MJ to die his natural death in Pakistan and then would blame it on biological weapons that Pakistan would be accused of possessing. USA would then attack Pakistan on pretext of destroying the weapons, the conspiracy theory maintained.

Meanwhile neighboring India has welcomed the move to make Michael Jackson an ambassador of Pakistan and hoped that MJ will heal this part of the world. Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh sent an email to MJ congratulating him. But a right wing political party Shiv Sena has opposed the move calling it a conspiracy against Hindus.

“That kabhi-black-kabhi-white Jackson has earned crores of rupees when we hosted his show in Mumbai in 1997. He used that money to change his religion and now he is going to Pakistan to tell them how to attack Mumbai. Hindus of India won’t tolerate it.” Shiv Sena’s mouthpiece Saamna wrote.