RSS looking for conspiracy theorists

Nagpur. Hindu nationalist group RSS has put advertisements in leading newspapers asking for applications for the post of modern conspiracy theorists. The move is being seen as a strategic attempt to keep their flock together and to checkmate their adversaries. The organization feels that while they are perceived to be good at hatching conspiracies, they are pretty bad at theorizing them.

“Everyone believed Muslim groups when they told there was a conspiracy behind Jamia Nagar encounter in Delhi, and now there are people supporting them when they say that there is a conspiracy behind the death of ATS chief Hemant Karkare in Mumbai terror attacks, in fact they are claiming the attacks to be a conspiracy itself. Whereas nobody believed us when we suggested that there was conspiracy behind arrest of the Sadhvi or Shankaracharya. We surely need to work on that aspect.” RSS spokesperson Ram Madhav told Faking News.

Ram Madhav told that conspiracy theories were a very good way to keep supporters of any organization together as it stopped them from wandering off the stipulated path.

“Hindus have been naïve and take silly positions, which they claim as taking a broader perspective, and end up blaming themselves or their faith for the ills within the society and around. The simpler way is to accuse someone of hatching a conspiracy against Hindus. Muslims do it so impeccably, we must not lag behind.” Ram Madhav elaborated.

Mr. Madhav told that while RSS and sister organizations were successful in promoting conspiracy theories pertaining to medieval times, there has been utter failure on their part to promote similar theories in modern times.

“Why can’t we argue that some Muslims masqueraded as BJP supporters and conspired to bring down the Babri Mosque? Why can’t we say that the Christian Nun in Orissa was never raped and in fact she had never been in Orissa at all? There are so many things we could do. We must do them.” RSS spokesperson opined.

RSS thinks that lack of modern conspiracy theories have caused Hindus to over-introspect and become defensive and defenseless. Organization has also asked BJP to support them as conspiracy theories give a strong ‘feel good’ factor to people, something which can’t be matched with television or digital campaign, as was tried by BJP in last Lok Sabha elections. RSS thinks conspiracy theories are the reason Muslims always feel good about their religion.