Modi becomes MoU ka Saudagar

Ahmedabad. The Vibrant Gujarat Global Investors Summit 2009, the mega event organized by Narendra Modi government has met with more resounding a success than originally anticipated. Not only has the Gujarat government surpassed the target it had set for itself; the event managers have caught the notice of top aides of the new US President Barack Obama.

Gujarat is currently hosting delegates from 37 countries for the fourth such summit, designed to catalyze investments in the state. Formal signing of MoUs with prospective investors in sectors like automobiles, IT, power, port, infrastructure, oil and gas sectors has been the highlight of such meets. A target of $140 billion had been fixed for VGGIS 2009. The tally grazed the $150 billion mark on the first day itself with captains of industry from India and abroad committing investments in several SEZs.

Modi will, in effect, be putting Rs 1.5 lakh in the pocket of each one of the 5 crore Gujaratis, whom he is concerned about. Thus even the Muslims among the population will become lakhpatis as a result of this feat. The achievement contributed to the festive mood of kite flying celebrated with fervor in the state during Uttarayan, for which tonnes of yarn is consumed.

A jubilant chief secretary D Rajagopalan declared that the tally was even higher than the sum of all commitments MoUed by Gujarat in the last eight years. He could not give any figures of actual implementation of committed projects and said that it did not come under his purview as chief secretary.

One notable absence in the meet was of B Ramalinga Raju, a close friend of Modi. He was the main attraction at the IT summit in the State in 2006. Satyam had signed an MoU to set up SEZs investing close to $1 billion. It paid an advance of Rs 12 crore to get 26 acres of land allotted and presumably generated at least half of the promised 15,000 jobs.

Raju’s place is taken by Paresh Rawal, the Gol Maal star who is signing an MoU for a Rs 1500 crore Film City project. It will be in partnership with Bollywood scriptwriter Mitun Bhutia and the project will come up in south Gujarat, near Mumbai. They will get 200-250 acre land. Rawal told Faking News that the entire funds will come from another version of Gol Mall to be completed by the next Vibrant Gujarat summit. Shatru Gun Sinha too will sign an MoU for establishing a Rs 1000 crore Film City at Mandvi in Kutch. The Bollywood actor who drew a blank in Bihar in this mission will be given 300 acre land.

The ironies have given a handle to former BJP stalwart and Modi’s predecessor as CM, Shankarsinh Vaghela, to call the summit as a “Satyanaryan Katha.” Currently Union textile minister after accepted the leadership of ‘madam’ and defecting to Congress, he demanded, “The Gujarat government should release a black paper clarifying the status of implementation of MoUs.”

Vaghela trashed talk of creation of 2.5 million jobs during Modi’s tenure, including 800,000 from the “present tamasha”. In fact, Industries commissioner Sujit Gulati has confirmed that over 30 per cent of the 200,000 registered SMEs in Gujarat have closed down and one million people are unemployed in the state.

Surprisingly, ‘Travails of India’, the mass circulation newspaper described VGGIS 2009 as “simply staggering, given the depressed environment worldwide.” It hailed Modi as “MoU ka Saudagar” who had put “the world at Gujarat’s feet.”

The media biggie was waging a no-holds-barred war against Modi till recently, It had played a big role in projecting Modi as ‘Maut ka Saudagar’, the title given to him by Vaghela. But, this time around, the newspaper has chosen to ignore the criticism by Congress netas.

Faking News learns that K Kailasnathan, the principal secretary to the chief minister, received a call from White House, congratulating his boss. The aides were keen to know the secret behind the ‘feat’. They said they already had the expertise to balloon figures for painting a rosy picture of economy. But, they sought Gujarat’s expertise in bringing bellicose media Moguls around when making incredibly tall claims.

It may be noted that Modi’s visa had been revoked by the US and he has been debarred from entering EU countries because of negative propaganda. Observers say that a high decibel positive propaganda is on the way and that Obama will be compelled to tender an apology on behalf of Bush.

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Musharraf supports Shekhawat as prime minister

Lahore, Pakistan. Deposed Pakistani president Gen Parvez Musharraf has virtually staged another coup. Ironically, he poses no danger to either President Zardari or PM Gilani of that country. Instead, accolades the General recently showered on former Indian vice president Bhairon Singh Shekhawat have triggered tremors in political circles of India.

Shekhawat, a veteran BJP leader in his late 80s, had recently let a cat out among good old pigeons roosting at that party’s head office. He announced that he was prepared, “health permitting”, to lead the youth of the country as their Prime Minister to overcome the challenges facing them.

It was the possibility of his contesting the upcoming Lok Sabha polls that prompted Gen Musharraf to hail him as a ‘Karmayogi’. The General, who is preparing to establish himself in the US lecture circuit in 2009, said: “Not everyone who has enjoyed a ceremonial status for five long years would be willing to sacrifice and jump into the cesspool of politics again. I admire the sense of commitment toward the people that Shekhawat Saheb has displayed and look forward to emulate him some day.”

With the former BJP stalwart getting such a celebrity endorsement, it will not be the chief of Bahujan Samaj Party that the Congress-led UPA coalition dreads the most anymore . Mayawati, the energetic chief minister of Uttar Pradesh was till recently considered as the most formidable rival to Prime minister Manmohan Singh. Congress had planned to project her, still in her early 50s, as too inexperienced for tackling the country’s problems. At the same time, its own seasoned economist, in his 70s, was much younger than the NDA nominee LK Advani, who is already in his 80s.

Shekhawat’s comeback to the political arena has sent more shivers down the spine of BJP than even the Congress. He has prompted BJP president Rajnath Singh to declare a truce with the rival faction led by former deputy PM, LK Advani.

“Advaniji is our undisputed candidate for the Prime Ministerial post and would continue to be so,” he declared and added, “Someone who has served on a constitutional post do not enter electoral fray. It is not in our tradition. After bathing in the Ganga, why would one want to swim in the local well?”

The unfazed 85-year-old rebel ridiculed the arguments about constitutional propriety as well as the Ganga. He said he had not asked Rajnath Singh for a party ticket, adding that he was yet to decide the constituency as well as the party in the event of his entering the fray. Shekhawat recalled that Rajaji, British India’s last Viceroy and independent India’s Governor-General, had obliged Nehru by becoming the chief minister of erstwhile Madras state.

Faking News could not trace Rajaji for his reactions. But it did get across to Gen Musharraf, who concurred with the irrelevance of protocol when it comes to serving the people. “I have been Prime Minister of Pakistan and also I had employed five PMs in the seven years that I was President. But, if my people command me, I am prepared to serve them even as a Chief Justice reporting to both PM and President.”

Several RSS pracharaks do not see anything wrong in Shekhawat’s desire to serve the people again. They point out that he can pave the way for a congenial relation between PM and President. After all, Pratibha Patil’s spouse is a Shekhawat too – Devisingh Ransingh Shekhawat – and blood is thicker than Ganga water.

Barring the launch of some united front by greenhorns like Mayawati, Omar Abdullah, Rahul Gandhi and Raj Thackeray, who entertain ‘national’ level ambitions, the former vice president is sure to emerge victorious. He has already started working on constituting a ‘national’ government. Sources close to him claim that Tamil Nadu chief minister M Karunanidhi, the 84-year-old chief of DMK, and the Marxist chief minister of Kerala, VS Achutanandan, who is well past 80, have already been sounded to be senior ministers.

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India blocks porn site access to Pakistan

New Delhi. In a bid to increase pressure on Pakistan to act against the terrorists, Indian government announced today that all Indian sex and porn sites would be blocked for Pakistani net users. India has also asked the world community, especially USA, to block all pornographic websites currently accessible by Pakistani citizens and government officials.

“Our intelligence sources have informed us that Pakistani citizens and government officials regularly visit many Indian websites containing mobile phone porn clips, erotic stories, 'masala' videos and mujra videos. We have decided to block their access to such sites.” Home Minister P Chidambaram told in a packed press conference.

Ministry sources informed Faking News that India has sent a strong signal to Pakistan by blocking these ‘hard’ porn sites so that Pakistan is reminded that India is not a ‘soft’ state. Meanwhile India has reiterated that all options were still open and Pakistan should not see this as the final solution.

People in Pakistan had mixed reactions to this step by the Indian government. Common man on the street believed that Pakistani hackers would be able to bring back access to these sites and the evil designs of the enemy would fail. There were no common women on the street so their reaction could not be obtained.

But there was surely some immediate effect of Indian decision as porn sites of Pakistan reported thousand times increased traffic to their websites. This particular YouTube video clip showing Pakistani Prime Minister Yousuf Raza Gilani also witnessed increased hits and viewership. Gilani’s supporters have claimed it to be an Indian conspiracy to defame the Pakistani establishment.

Back home Indian porn website owners have decried the government decision as it has caused their revenues to nosedive. A delegation of such website owners will meet Minister for Company Affairs Mr. P C Gupta to demand a rescue package from the government.

Pranab Mukherjee arrested for threatening Rahul

New Delhi. Foreign Minister Pranab Mukherjee has been removed from his post and arrested for a conspiracy to kill Congress general secretary Rahul Gandhi. Pranabda’s statement on the possibility of Rahul Gandhi becoming Prime Minister has been interpreted as being a threatening one by security experts.

An official statement from the PMO did not say anything more than “Prime Minister will hold additional irresponsibility of the Ministry of External Affairs” apart from the Finance portfolio he had taken over earlier this month from Chidambaram.

However, an official in the Health ministry told this correspondent, on condition of anonymity, that Mukherjee received a ‘midnight knock’ and was taken straight to AIIMS. Anbumani Ramadoss, the health minister, could not be reached for comment.

The verbal calisthenics that Pranabda was carrying with Pakistan in the aftermath of Mumbai mayhem in November was seen as an attempt to avert the Party’s decimation in the coming elections by insiders as well as outsiders. But while his statements against Pakistan won him praise, his statement on Rahul brought his downfall.

Pranabda’s forecast, “The days are not far off when Rahul Gandhi may follow in his father’s footsteps,” had put the new Home Minister P Chidambaram in a fix. Observers read a lot more in the timing of Mukherjee’s statement in the run up to the Lok Sabha polls. These analysts smelt something fishy in the reference to Rajiv Gandhi, whose assassination in 1991 – in the run up to the then Lok Sabha polls – had catapulted P V Narasimha Rao to the top.

Sources confirm that apart from Chidambaram, scores of strategic analysts in New Delhi who aspire to be the next National Security Advisor (NSA) had taken Pranabda’s premonition seriously. In a freewheeling chat with this correspondent, former NSA Brajesh Mishra, a hot contender for the post who had recently ‘regretted’ the advise he tendered in 1998 to Atal Bihari Vajpayee to conduct nuke tests, said, “Mukherji is no less brilliant and manipulative than former PM Rao. He needs to be watched.”

This is the second instance of a senior congressman being cornered after praising Rahulbaba. Another veteran party man Arjun Singh had last year suggested that Rahul should take over the reins from Manmohan Singh. He was severely censured by the matriarch and the noises of sycophants died down.

But some experts also see this development as Manmohan Singh getting stronger within the Congress clan. It is no secret that Pranabda has been sore with the madam for forcing him work under Manmohan Singh. Sources in MEA said that the former RBI Governor used to take orders from him when he was FM. Pranabda had been looking to bring down Manmohan Singh under himself, but failed miserably.

Congress media department chief M Veerappa Moily told reporters “We have to take the PMO’s briefing in the spirit in which it was intended and not go into the motive. We are seriously concerned about the health of the foreign minister who is a true patriot.”

Opposition BJP was too stunned by the suddenness of the development and was not forthcoming with a comment. Party spokesperson Ravi Shankar Prasad said that BJP has recently decided not to put burn its fingers anymore by reacting to rumors.

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Government to get tough with actors urinating in public

New Delhi. Concerned by the increasing incidents of celebrities, especially Bollywood actors, urinating in public places, central government has decided to get tough with the offenders. Now these erring actors won’t be able to get away with just a fine of few hundred rupees but instead might end up getting imprisoned in public toilets for weeks.

“We have noticed that some actors, who earn in crores, don’t mind shelling out a few rupees for breaking the law. Such a behavior has potential to turn India into a banana republic where no one has any respect for the law of the land. We want to flush out this problem before it tanks.” Central Health Minister Ramadoss told.

It should be recalled that urinating in public places was banned all across India starting October 2 last year, incidentally the birthday of Father of the Nation Mahatma Gandhi, who had opposed such unhygienic practices among Indians during the freedom struggle. Walls were used to write patriotic slogans in those days and people were discouraged to urinate on them as it amounted to showing disrespect to motherland. Experts believe that absence of such slogans has caused recrudescence of public urinating among Indians post independence.

“You hardly see any patriotic slogans on any wall in the country these days. Either they carry posters of these Bollywood actors or political slogans. People don’t feel the pressure against urinating on them. Walls have lost all importance and government should work in that direction. Punitive actions won’t solve any problem.” Shona Mutra, a social scientist, told Faking News.

But government is not impressed with such arguments and has asked law enforcing agencies to keep a tight vigil on persons, especially Bollywood actors, urinating in public. Now any person urinating in public could face imprisonment in public toilets up to two months in some cases. The news has thrown Bollywood actors in a state of shock.

“What does the government want? We shouldn’t even relieve ourselves of such calls of nature? If I hold it for too long, my facial expressions will suffer and hence my performance. It’s an attempt to curb my freedom of expression and right to livelihood. I think the ban must be revoked.” Bollywood superstar Shahrukh Khan argued.

But it doesn’t seem that Bollywood actors will have it easy. Sources say that government is also planning to strictly impose its guidelines against showing someone urinating in public on television and cinema screens. Censor Board members are meeting this evening to issue the notification.

Meanwhile some habitual pubic urinaters are reported to be grouping up to form a new religion where the mode of worship would be urinating on walls and other public places. These people are banking on the fact that India, being a secular country, would allow them to urinate anywhere and everywhere in deference to their religious beliefs.