John Abraham has the sexiest armpit: Rediff poll

Mumbai. An online poll conducted by the popular Indian website Rediff.com has chosen John Abraham as the celebrity with The Sexiest Armpit. John emerged on top among ten Indian and international celebrities to win the title. Sanjay Dutt, Salman Khan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Brad Pitt, Roger Federer, Shoaib Akhtar, He-man, Smelly Cat, and Rakhi Sawant were the other contenders for the title. This shortlist was decided by Rediff Comments team.

“Our research department had come up with a study indicating that Indians had long been interested in celebrity armpits. Being a responsible media organization, we had to offer what people of India demanded and hence we decided to run this poll. I’m happy that the results are out. If people want, we can run this contest at regular intervals to track the popularity of celebrity armpits.” Rediff CEO Ajit Balakrishnan told Faking News.

Within minutes of the result being declared, Rediff messageboard was abuzz with people discussing the outcome. Around thousand comments were posted, out of which more than 950 were reported for abuse. Rest of the comments either congratulated John or accused Christian missionaries of having funded the poll. Some comments showed broken URLs of website offering free full body massage, while one user wondered why Brad Pitt was not selected even though his name rhymed with armpit.

But away from the world of comments, John Abraham expressed happiness over the result and thanked fans for selecting his armpits. Media analysts believe that John could now win various advertising contracts for deodorant brands. Some of the experts believe that more such polls could take place in near future as they further the interests of various brands and celebrities.

“We could soon see a ‘Sexiest Feet’ contest to promote a shoe brand. Maybe a ‘Sexiest Hair’ contest to promote a shampoo or even a comb. Having seen the way market and media manipulates us, I’d not be surprised to see a ‘Sexiest Asshole’ contest to promote a brand of toilet paper.” advertising and media critic Aulad Kakkar expressed his fears.

Indian origin boy wins cat coloring contest in USA

Oklahoma, USA. Ten year old Sameer, a third generation American of Indian origin, won the World Series Cat Coloring Contest here today, beating over 500 contestants from different states of the USA. The competition asked its contestants to color white cats in water-color using their creative imagery to create beautiful colorful cats. Sameer emerged as the final winner after seven days of grueling competition, sending whole of media India into ruptures of joy.

Sameer’s great grandparents used to live in Okhla village in Delhi, but his grandfather decided to leave India and migrate to the USA to lead a better life. His ancestral home was bought over by a property dealer who now runs a pet shop over there.

Various television news channels of India are planning to air special LIVE news bulletins from the same pet shop to celebrate Sameer’s victory. Members of one television crew were suggesting the pet shop owner to color all the pets, especially the cats, in tri-color to add ‘punch’ to the ‘story’.

“It’s a Breaking News! Our TRPs will prove it!” Lijjat Sharma, chief of an Indian TV channel told Faking News.

Sameer was completely unaware of this hype in India over his victory when our Oklahoma correspondent met him. He expressed happiness and wanted to know if Okhla village was named after Oklahoma. Sameer has never been to India but now his parents are willing to send him to India, if the government pays for all travel and accommodation. Sameer had won three free DVDs of ‘Tom and Jerry’ as the first prize, the only prize of the competition.

When our correspondent asked Sameer if he was inspired by the Indian tri-color when he colored the cat, his parents immediately told “yes”, to which Sameer nodded after a while. Sameer’s parents hoped that their son’s feat will strengthen Indo-US ties; they told this while on phone with some Indian television channel. They also expressed hope that attacks on Indian students in Australia could stop if a similar Kangaroo coloring contest was organized there.

Government of India too has sent a congratulatory message to Sameer and his parents. Minister of State for External Affairs Shashi Tharoor was called up around 500 times by various news organizations to react, following which he finally sent a congratulatory message. Mr. Tharoor remained non-committal over awarding Sameer a paid trip to India. He also refused to comment if a similar contest in Australia could help stop attack on students there.

A television news anchor also asked Mr. Tharoor to congratulate Sameer though his twitter update. The phone line was disconnected and the views of Mr. Tharoor couldn’t be heard. The television channel has asked people to send SMS if they thought the minister should update his twitter status. The channel claims that majority of Indians want Mr. Tharoor to twit about Sameer’s victory.

Meanwhile Sameer risked losing his ‘Tom and Jerry’ DVDs as various Animal Rights group in the USA have called to countermand the results of the Cat Coloring competition, which they thought was an example of cruelty to animals. But Sameer need not worry as liquor baron Vijjay Mallya has announced that he’d gift a complete set of DVDs to Sameer if his prize was confiscated. Dr. Mallya was talking to a news channel that called Sameer a ‘Royal Challenger’ of American supremacy.

“Mangalore pub attack is a problem of the elite India”

New Delhi. Various thinkers and media analysts have criticized Indian media’s handling of Mangalore pub attack where some girls and women were beaten up by an outfit called either Sri Ram Sena or Sri Ram Sene (SRS in either case) for allegedly disrespecting Indian culture. These thinkers and analysts believe that Indian media ‘over-reported’ and ‘over-hyped’ a problem that is endemic only to the elite class. They have appealed to the Indian media to stop calling attack on the Mangalore pub as attack on Indian ethos.

“The Indian media has become a tool for the elite and by the elite. They over-hyped the Mumbai terror attacks, which were clearly an attack on the elite India, by calling it an attack on whole India, and now they are doing the same in case of Mangalore pub beating case. There are no pubs in rural India or even in smaller cities. This is clearly a problem of the elite and let them deal with it. Let’s not involve the whole Indian society into it.” Arundhati Roy, a writer, thinker, philosopher, media-critic, activist, etc., told Faking News.

These thinkers and analysts accused media of having a class bias, which was responsible for creating divisions in the society on the basis of class and language. Some thinkers additionally thought that this bias was mainly due to 'caste' factors as most of the journalists in India belonged to the upper castes and were suffering from Brahminical mentality.

“Why do these television channels not raise such a hue and cry when a dalit woman is raped in some remote village of the country? Is that not an attack on Indian women and Indian ethos? Most of those girls and women beaten up in the pubs were either Brahmins or Baniyas, and hence the media is making such a big issue out of it. Down with the manuwadi and casteist mentality.” Udit Krishna, president of Dalit Patrakar Sangh (DPS), told Faking News.

We tried to get reactions of leading editors of various Indian media houses over the issue, but they asked us to excuse them. One of the CEOs of a leading news channels however commented, on conditions of anonymity, that media bashing had become fashionable in times of recession as more and more people were becoming jobless. He hoped that the economic conditions improved and such unnecessary criticism of media subsided.

The secret of killer door exposed

Meerut. The secret of killer door, which has allegedly executed dozens of murder in rainy seasons each year, has been finally exposed by a Faking News reader. The killer door, called darindaa darwaaza by locals, has been terrorizing people for generations.

The legend has it that whenever someone opened the door in the Hindu month of Saawan i.e. the rainy season, a dead body used to drop out of nowhere. The locals used to desert the place in the month of Saawan fearing the bloodbath. But now a Faking News reader has found out the secret behind the door.

The daring Faking News reader has sent us this EXCLUSIVE video of his sting operation on Saawan ka darindaa darwaaza:

(the video has been produced by Dhiraj Chaudhary)

Government bans news channels, journalists happy

New Delhi. In wake of seemingly poor reporting by television channels during Mumbai terror attacks, Government has decided that the country no longer needs 24-hours news channels, and has banned all of them. The news channels now have two options – either to continue in business as a non-news television channel or to join Doordarshan News. Most of the alleged journalists working in television channels were happy with either of the choices.

“Due to recession we don’t know if our jobs would be there tomorrow. If we become government employees with Doordarshan, at least the job would be there. As far as working in non-news channel is concerned, I feel I’m already in one, so that would hardly make a difference.” Rajat Chawla, a journalist working with a leading television channel told Faking News.

But top management and editors of these news channels are adamant to fight the government and get the ban revoked. Many channels started SMS and online polls to find out what the people think about the government decision. Despite repeated request by Faking News, these channels didn’t share the outcome of such polls hence Faking News has started its own poll to find out public opinion.

Faking News readers can participate in this poll which is visible at the top of the right column of this website. If you don’t have any opinion or haven’t made up your mind yet on this issue, we encourage you not to take part in the poll as there is no ‘maybe’ option. Readers can also comment on this article to voice their opinions, which would incrementally increase their internet bills but would still be cheaper than sending SMS. The poll would run till the end of January 31, 2009 (IST).

Meanwhile government has reiterated that their decision is absolutely correct and in public interest. They have dared the news channels to get a public survey done by an independent market surveyor and have rejected the SMS or online poll results even though they are yet to be made public. Government officials told that they will take a decision on accepting or rejecting Faking News poll result after the results were announced.

“Of late News Channels have lost track. People are mighty interested in knowing whether Salman and Katrina would get married or whether Shahrukh was a gay. That’s what you call public ‘interest’. Who in this world is interested in knowing whether our intelligence agencies work on not or if corruption is there in the system. Give me a break.” Information and Broadcasting secretary told us after the cabinet minister Priya Ranjan Dasmunshi refused to talk to our reporter.

While this tussle between government and news channel bosses continued, common man missed the news channels and instead spent most of his time watching ‘laughter shows’ on entertainment channels. The common woman missed the ‘behind the scenes’ stories and scoops from the saas-bahu sagas but she hoped that with some television journalists joining Doordarshan, she can get her updates back. The common child missed the crime shows about school going girls.

The ban is expected to increase the readership of newspapers, though the trend is yet to be witnessed. But Faking News witnessed increase in its traffic as it seems that people relied on us for the latest news and updates. But we request our readers not to trust us too much or our website could also be brought down by the government.

UPDATE:

February 1, 2009. Well, the results of the opinion poll started by Faking News have finally come out – 65% of the respondents (100 people voted) favored government regulation of television news channels. The government is happy with the result and has announced that Faking News would not need to pay any taxes this financial year. Sigh! Only if we were making any money at first place…

The Great Indian Sex Survey

WARNING! If you are under 18 years of age, close this window NOW!

hmmm…

Okay, at least close that door man…

New Delhi. Like a responsible media unit taking care of public ‘interest’, Faking News too has come up with a sex survey revealing the most secret and sensuous details of sex lives of Indians. The survey has thrown many surprises and has helped understand the innermost desires of Indian couples. We bring to you some of the highlights and findings of The Great Indian Sex Survey.

Contrary to the popular belief, there were no major differences between Hindu and Muslim way of sex.

The rich Indians valued sex highly, the poor thought it cheap.

On an average this year, a married Indian couple had indulged in sex five times a week, two times out of which was with the consent of the wife.

Indian male was still stuck up with the number 36 24 36 – that was the average number of times in a year when he thought about having sex with a female, mostly of human species.

Young Indians had no qualms establishing physical relationships with the opposite sex without any plans of getting married. They thought it no different than renting and living in an apartment without any plans of buying it.

For sex related problems, most of the men still relied on Hashmi Dawakhana (Amroha), Sablok Clinic (Delhi) or Japani Tel (Japanese oil); rest of them denied having any problem whatsoever.

Many Indian men thought that foreplay was a new rule introduced in 20-20 cricket matches by ICC.

Some men admitted popping in Viagra to improve performance, women thought it crazy to swallow.

Young men found porn movies informative, young women found them weird.

Many young women wondered why their boyfriends insisted on not taking off their stockings or footwear during sex.

Indian women were still very secretive about oral sex, very few of them opened their mouth.

Women continued to fake orgasms and men sizes.

It was found out that while in western countries kissing breasts was taken as a mark of respect by the woman, the Indian woman desired to be kissed on their buttocks to be conveyed that respect.

The average duration of sex was unknown, but everyone, especially the husband, claimed it to be higher than their neighbors.

Many more couples were talking sex than before, but not amongst themselves.

The favorite place by couples to have sex continued to be the bedroom, but the fantasy choices were varied – parliament, Pakistan, Qutub Minar, on a boat, on a railway berth – in that order.

Around 69% of the wives suspected their husbands of having an extra marital affair. 99% of the husbands suspected their wives of not trusting them enough.

Cheating husbands were confident that their wives would forgive them for adultery as they didn’t have a choice.

Cheating husbands were confident that their wives could not indulge in adultery as they didn’t have a choice.

One night stands grew by over 78% over last year, mostly paid.

(The above survey was carried out in thirteen major cities in India and a total of 539 respondents were interviewed, out of which 289 were men and rest were women. 129 married couples were interviewed out of which… Do you really care about such statistics in such surveys?)

Faking News completes 101 days of flushing news

Actually the norm is to celebrate a century, but we couldn’t notice it when we completed a century of days of existence. Now one day later when we realize it, we are trying to make news out of it. So raise a toast for the leading Indian satire and humor website Faking News.

In fact, we would also make a virtue out of it. Today is Christmas (important both for Muslims and Christians) we have 108 (a number considered to be pious by Hindus) reports by now, while we make fun of everyone (relevant to Sikhs/Sardars) – which means we truly represent India. So raise a toast again, and we will wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year ahead.

Anyway, Faking News started, with the domain name booked, on 15th September 2008, and first news reports started following immediately. We later found out that 15th September 2008 had some significance apart from being the birthday of Faking News. It was actually the first International Day of Democracy, a fact we otherwise would have never known till democracy would have gone missing again in the neighborhood.

Our team had planned a mega launch of Faking News on that day. An opening ceremony, which would have surpassed the grandeur of Beijing Olympics in extravaganza, was intended. Our team had rejected fifteen little girls who were not pretty enough to sing the opening song, and had got eleven exclusive media partners to broadcast the show.

But as fate had it, our bankers Lehman Brothers went bankrupt the same day and everyone from the event manager to the ticket seller deserted our plans of a ceremony and we had a very quite launch – just a few mouse-clicks were heard, and they were not lip-synced by the way.

Now after 101 days, we find ourselves gaining some attention and appreciation from some people, and we hope that one day we’ll have that great ceremony organized.

A heartfelt thanks to our readers by Pagal Patrakar and friends

Pakistani reporter wins international accolades

Karachi, Pakistan. Amidst high tension between India and Pakistan after Mumbai terror attacks, a news reporter of Pakistan has won hearts not only in India but all over the world. The reporter, named Chaand Nawaab (literally meaning Lunar Viceroy), of Indus News, a 24-hour Urdu news and infotainment channel of Pakistan, has shown immaculate perseverance in carrying out his duty. His masterpiece is captured in the video below:

Within 10 days of the above video appearing on YouTube, Chaand Nawaab’s magnum opus has been witnessed by almost 1,00,000 viewers worldwide! The whole Faking News team was jealous of Mr. Nawaab as our website is still to reach that figure even after 13 weeks of existence.

Many Indian journalists are also reported to be jealous of Chaand Nawaab as they never won any international recognition for their reporting styles, and instead have faced criticism from various quarters, including Faking News.

May other Indians, including our team members, were also jealous to witness such long trains existing in Pakistan. Faking News will soon lead a delegation to Railway Minister Mr. Lalu Prasad Yadav and demand to increase the length of Indian trains as compared to those of Pakistan.

Worst news channel of India?

Forty (40) days ago, Faking News started with a loudly declared love for television news reporting and has been steadfastly manifesting its love through various reports it publishes, which attempts to match the standards and style of television news reporting of India, albeit the format is that of print news reporting.

Well well well, we are not closing down after just 40 days, but we are closing down the first phase of an ongoing ‘opinion poll’ that we ran since our very first day. The opinion poll was about finding the worst television news channel of India (look at self-opinionated supercilious us!). And yes, we didn’t define what makes a channel ‘worst’, we left that to the taste and discretion of our readers.

Interestingly we had put only Hindi news channels as contenders for the post – an aspect which caused some of our readers to accuse us of being anglophile. We apologize for appearing to be so. Today we’ll take some corrective measures.

Due to mushrooming Hindi news channels, and all of them claiming to be ‘national’ channels, we had pretty tough time (we are faking it) finalizing the initial list of contenders. With all due respect to all kind of existing news channels, we guess we were not too off-the-mark in choosing our initial list.

Following were the Hindi news channels (arranged in alphabetical order) which we put in race to get votes for winning the worst news channel award (we won’t hand out any trophy or cash or anything; it’s just a figurative term):

• Aaj Tak
• IBN7
• India News
• India TV
• Live India
• NDTV India
• News24
• Sahara Samay
• Star News
• Zee News

In the last 40 days, we had 1600 votes being polled. A bit disappointing number we’d say as we had almost 16000 visitors during the same duration. We hope more and more visitors would participate in the next round of this ongoing opinion poll.

Following figures shows the number of votes each news channel fetched out of the 1600 polled:

In terms of vote share, in percentage, the news channels divided the pie amongst themselves in the following fashion:

Hence after 40 days, the channels can be ranked in the following order in terms of decreasing notoriety:

1. India TV
2. Aaj Tak
3. NDTV India
4. Star News
5. IBN7
6. Sahara Samay
7. Zee News
8. India News
9. Live India
10. News24

Well, our team believes that it doesn’t necessarily mean that the channels lagging in the above race are the preferred channels or ‘better’ channels; maybe they even failed to mess up properly (look at self-opinionated supercilious us!)!

Now, we announce the next round of the opinion poll! Clap! Clap!! Clap!!!

This phase will see the top five channels from the first phase of the poll competing for the award i.e. The Worst Hindi News Channel of India.

And to counter the allegation of being anglophile, we’d also run a parallel poll for finding The Worst English News Channel of India.

We have identified following five contenders among English channels (arranged in alphabetical order) for the award:

• CNN IBN
• Headlines Today
• NDTV 24x7
• NewsX
• Times Now

We are keeping business channels, both Hindi and English, out of this race for some strange reason; you can accuse us of being something like trade/commerce/business-phile.

We don’t know how long we would be running this second round of opinion poll, but it would surely go beyond 60 days. So keep voting and ask your friends to vote.

UPDATE: 19th May 2009

We are finally ending our poll to select worst news channel of India in both Hindi and English genre, and following are the results. The number against each News Channel indicates votes polled in their favor and percentages in parentheses indicate the percentage of people favoring that particular channel in that particular genre.

Hindi News Channels:

• India TV – 716 (49%)
• Aaj Tak – 379 (26%)
• NDTV India – 148 (10%)
• Star News – 107 (7%)
• IBN7 – 101 (6%)

English News Channels:

• Headlines Today – 425 (34%)
• NDTV 24x7 – 252 (20%)
• NewsX – 221 (18%)
• CNN IBN – 181 (14%)
• Times Now – 140 (11%)

Journalists criticize Dhoni for late declaration

New Delhi. Television journalists covering cricket, cutting across channel lines, have criticized Indian cricket captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni for having declared Indian innings late on the fourth day of the second cricket test match between India and Australia in Mohali. Although India won the test by a huge margin of 320 runs, these sports journalist think that the declaration was ill timed.

“Fifth day play could barely go beyond an hour and it was such a waste of time for everyone to have waited till last day of the match for a result. Had Dhoni declared by lunch time on fourth day itself, we’d have got a result yesterday and would have had the pride of defeating Australia in just four days.” Anurag Usman (name changed), sports correspondent of Moon News told.

Anurag found support from most of the sports journalists of various television channels. Interestingly, print journalists don’t agree with such a view and rubbished the whole issue. Even among television journalists, some begged to differ with views of journalists like Anurag.

Faking News found the whole situation very strange and hence decided to analyze the issue further. Our undercover correspondent posed as a television journalist and had a couple of drinks with Anurag. In our sting operation on television journalists, we came to know that Anurag’s original problem was not due to Dhoni’s decision but due to arrest of Raj Thackeray.

“Arey yaar, I had got a nice hair cut and got my face bleached to come on television and analyze the Indian victory in detail. The moment India won, news about arrest of f**king Raj Thackeray’s came in and these f**king bosses dropped all story ideas on cricket. My girlfriend is making fun of me. I wish the match had ended yesterday.” Anurag confessed on the hidden camera.

Faking News found out that most of the television sports journalists shared the sentiments of Anurag as they found themselves in similar predicament. But there were some journalists who were happy, like Alok Zulfi (name changed) of Bharat TV.

“Boss, my channel anyways is busy with aliens and witches, but I was really scared today as they had asked me to make special stories on Indian victory and correlate it with presence of Sachin’s wife on ground. Fortunately Raj got arrested and now they are making stories on Raj’s kundli. Bach gaya main! (I was spared).” Alok’s happy face was clearly visible on hidden camera.

Faking News team has decided not to disclose the real identities of these journalists or make public the video recorded in sting operation as this might weaken the fourth estate of our democracy.

Journalists oppose support to expelled Jet employees

New Delhi. When most of the news channels thought they were practicing meaningful journalism by raising the issue of lay-offs of employees by Jet Airways, they were shockingly taken aback when a section of journalists accused them of indulging in biased journalism. These journalists, belonging to Dalit Patrakar Sangh (DPS), have accused the mainline journalists of nursing bias in favor of upper castes when raising issues of social concern.

“Why are they getting so upset when Jet is firing employees? Did they get upset when farmers were committing suicides in different part of the country? It’s only because most of the farmers are dalits while these expelled employees are from upper castes.” Udit Krishna, President of DPS claimed.

When Faking News asked DPS to provide statistical proof of their claims, the organization refused to do so and accused our team of having a bias against dalits as well. When our reporter apologized to have hurt their sentiments, Mr. Udit Krishna forgave us and explained the basis of his claim.

“You can very well see that those expelled employees were so well dressed and spoke good English, they clearly belonged to upper castes. And how can you expect private companies like Jet to recruit dalits without being forced through reservations? It is self evident, no statistical proof is necessary” Mr. Udit Krishna opined.

DPS members claimed that it’s not the first time that Indian media has done so. They always raise issues of concerns to upper castes, be it murder of an upper caste girl or admission to top educational institutes. DPS has threatened to launch an agitation against television channels unless they got back to ‘normal’ journalism and dropped this ‘partisan’ journalism.

Views of DPS has been backed by dalit thinkers like Kancha Ilaiah who welcomed this ‘awakening’ among dalit journalists and exhorted dalits in all sections of society to see through evil designs of upper castes. Ilaiah especially asked DPS members to highlight news and events where dalit students have been allotted lesser marks in examinations and asked to leave educational institutions, as happened with IIT Delhi recently.

Most of television journalists were shocked by the developments and the reactions ranged from dismay to outrage. None of the journalists were willing to comment on record for fear of being branded anti-dalit. One of the chief editors of a television channel, on conditions of anonymity, told Faking News that such statements are tantamount to goondaism.

“This is a result of casteist mindset and narrow outlook. These guys surely have ulterior political agenda. People like Kancha Ilaiah are not even dalit. This is sickening. Tomorrow if a dalit will fall on road after stepping on a banana peel, they will suspect some upper caste person had thrown that peel. In fact, they will declare the banana as a Brahmin!” the chief editor expressed his anguish.

Meanwhile expelled employees of Jet Airways are completely confused by the new development. Some of them saw it as an attempt by Jet Airways management to divert attention and botch their protest. They appealed to media and leaders not to divide them on basis of caste or other considerations.

Indian news channels sent legal notices

New Delhi. Australian sports television network Channel Nine has sent legal notices to major national news channels of India for using geometrical shapes and other graphics while telecasting news. Channel Nine claims that the technology and method of using geometrical shapes or graphics were first used by them in cricket telecasts, and now Indian news channels are using the same technology without paying royalty or credit to them.

“Cricket crazy citizens of India can well recall that we were the first people to use geometrical shapes like circle or ovals to point out a cricketer on television screen who was being talked about by the commentators. We were also the first to use graphics like arrows or numbers to show and count slip fielders, etc.” Channel Nine legal officer Indiana Newzing told Faking News.

Mr. Newzing alleged that today Indian news channels are using this trademark method of Channel Nine profusely and shamelessly. He warned that Indian channels must stop putting circles around people’s faces or pointing arrows towards persons or things on screen without crediting Channel Nine for the same and paying a royalty fee.

Channel Nine is currently collecting various video clips and screenshots of different news channels that have put circles around people or have used other means of the technology that originally belongs to them. The company plans to hire the best lawyer in India to win the case.

Meanwhile Faking News has learnt from its sources that this may be just the beginning of troubles for Indian news channels as various other groups are consulting legal experts to send similar notices or file damage suits against news channels.

One such group is AFVSI (Association of Fish and Vegetable Sellers of India). AFVSI claims that the present style of news reading by many channels resembles the style of selling fish or vegetable in markets of small cities of India. AFVSI informed Faking News that their sellers used to scream and shriek to attract buyers’ attention claiming their fishes or vegetables to be exclusive and latest in the market. Association claims that the present news channels have used this marketing style without consulting them and have actually brought disrepute to the style.

“We no longer scream and shriek the same way as we feel ashamed now. It seems we are not selling fish or vegetables but news! It’s very disappointing that they first plagiarized our marketing style and then put a bad name to it.” AFVSI chief Lallan Kumar expressed his anguish.

Similarly entertainment channels and production houses are planning to sue the news channels for using their products without paying them. Balaji Telefilms chief Ms. Ekta Kapoor explained, “we take risk and do research to produce finest of programs and our product is used for free by news channels to sell their air-time. They are earning without spending on production. They have to know that there is nothing called free lunch in this world.”

But news channels seem unperturbed by these developments. CEO of a leading news channel, on conditions of anonymity, told Faking News that they are least bothered.

“We know there is nothing like free lunch. Ekta should also know that. We are actually providing free marketing to her. If she sends us bills for using her products, we’ll send her bills for advertising her programs.” The CEO explained.

The CEO also dismissed the claims by likes of Channel Nine and AFVSI and termed them laughable. He told that Indian news channels only show what Indians have liked on earlier occasions.

Faking News has learnt that since Indians seemingly had liked cheerleaders in Cricket, Indian news channels are mulling to have cheerleaders in their chat shows and studio discussions. When a speaker in the chat show/studio would put across a point, the cheerleaders will jump and dance to prove the point. The first such show is expected to be on rising religious intolerance in the country.

India TV bats for cows