Friday, January 9, 2009

Government buys out Satyam, to convert it into a bank

Satyam Bank of IndiaNew Delhi. Government has finally decided to bail out Satyam Computer Services limited after the company fell in deep trouble with mysterious disclosures by its chairman Ramalinga Raju. The government has bought over Satyam and has converted it into a financial institution called Satyam Bank of India (SBI). SBI will work to set the financial health of India straight.

“The alleged fraud by Satyam has been grossly misunderstood by media and public. It’s actually a corrective step rather than a scam. We all know that many sectors of our economy suffer from under-reporting. What Mr. Raju did could be called a case of over-reporting, which is actually balancing things out at the aggregate level. We need more such steps to get the true picture of our economy and wealth.” Planning Commission deputy-chairman Montek Singh Ahluwalia told Faking News.

Faking News has learnt that India has USD 1.5 trillion in Swiss banks, which is more black money than the rest of the world combined. All this money has never been shown in any balance sheet or bank account of any corporate or individual, which has made India a poor and vulnerable country in the eyes of the world, so much so that even Pakistan and Afghanistan threaten to attack it at will.

“If all those billions of dollars could come back to Indian bank accounts and balance sheets, it will solve many of our problems. Unfortunately people have been showing less money on balance sheets and bank accounts all these years, but Raju was a welcome exception. SBI will partner with Swiss Bank to bring those Indian dollars and fill in the gap created by under-reporting.” Mr. Ahluwalia further explained the working of SBI.

The corporate world had mixed reactions to the government step with some of the leaders accusing the government of trying to siphon off their hard earned money into the tax coffers. Such leaders plan to meet Samajwadi Party leader and erudite economist Amar Singh to pressurize the UPA government against any such ‘misadventure’.

The political class too reacted in different tones with the main opposition party BJP claiming that the government was trying to shift focus from the real issue of terrorism and cover up their failures by announcing populist policies. Communist parties have welcomed the move but has asked government to form a parliamentary committee headed by Jyoti Basu to decide on how could the dollars brought by SBI could be divided among various parties.

Sources inform Faking News that government has been quite pleased with Ramalinga Raju’s letter and deeds, and that’s why it has been reluctant to arrest him.

3 Comments:

AKD said...

Sharad Pawar, Laloo Prasad Yadav, Mulayam, Mayawati, Jaylalitha and scores of other politicians have money way beyond their means.

Who will question them?

Raju should consider a Political Career - success is likely - indians vote with everything other than their brains. So win is likely.

Anonymous said...

i think this was Raju's valiant attempt at bringing India Inc. back to the fore and into global limelight. Given the ponzi schemes of Madoff, collapse of Lehman, rogue traders at Socgen and billion $ bailouts, India Inc. had lost its share in reported global financial news - a cause of concern for all global Indian biz leaders. Sources say, a meeting of India's who's who of the biz worlds had been held at the Taj hotel in Mumbai, to discuss opportunities for restoring India's place in the financial map. It was Raju who decided to stand up and make the personal sacrifice - an effort widely applauded by all, though a hush hush affair. 185 Fortune 500 companies have been directly affected hedge funds and FI's are still wondering what hit them - overall a job well done in such short time. And offcourse, this would not have been possible without the support of Pwc - kudos to them too!

Sambha said...

Rama Linga cooked earnings for last 5-6 years to boost satyam stock. Meanwhile, he continued to sell this inflated stock and bought real estate with the money received. In 2008, real estate prices collapsed and Linga defaulted on payments to the Andhra Pradesh arm of Sonia Gandhi private limited.

Then, his magnanimous move to replace "fake" cash on Satyam's BS with "real" real estate bombed last month. So far so good.

Why on earth did he self disclose? WTF happened as the year changed to 2009?
This question is killing me. So please explain this in your next article.

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