Sunday, July 5, 2009

Salient features of Railway Budget 2009-10

railwayNew Delhi. With the new budget Maamta Di has also announced new perks. Railing behind the pro-gay ruling, she has announced a new quota called the ‘Gay Quota’. All RAC can be automatically converted to Gay Quota as they will have no problem in sharing berths. 'Pulling the Chain' will have also a different context in the railway rule. If the male co-passenger does not give his consent, then pulling the chain can lead to two nights in isolation in a jail in Delhi or Rs. 377 fine or both. Like there were separate coupa for women, there will be another coupa for men travelling alone as our bhai-baap will be unsafe from the gayish look of straight men.

Tatkaal scheme will be now renamed to 'Taatkaal' scheme to give it a pro-Bengal accent. Since Lalu has now converted to a non-veggie and started eating chicken, chicken will be removed from the menu and replaced with maacher-jhol (fish curry). This will give Lalu the reinforcing feeling that he was not in power. To rub it further, his father-in-law will not be allowed to board the train without a proper ticket now.

Trains would now stop at all the nondescript stations in West Bengal. The railway minister said this at the inauguration of New Railway e-Mail Service "Train should stop at Malda Town as well as Malda Village. If Malda Village doesn't exist, then a new station should be created with this name".

The minister said that the RMS (Railway Mail Service) should change to Railway email service. It has appointed Mr. Chandan Nilekani of Tinfosys for the same. Mr. Nilekani will quit his job and lead the Railway informatics team. Other Indian software companies like BATA Consultancy Services (BCS) will also be benefitted by this as they will be given some contract to manage data. A German company, TAP Labs based out of Bangalore will be given the contract to carry out seamless distribution of email across the nation and the world. It will use a pioneering concept of opening the tap and filling it at stations. It will be an electronic tap and fill the bogie with email at a particular station.

There will be no increase in fare and the unreserved waitlisted AC 1st class ticket can now be converted to a low cost airline named Dice Jet, because when you travel by Dice Jet, your chance of reaching the destination is dicey and you take almost the same time as railways.

Lalu's Kullhad will be now replaced by Nano cups. It will be the smallest cup in the market. Mr Patan Bata, chairman of BATA group expressed his gratitude for getting business in Bengal. He has suffered major loss when Nano car project was thrown out of Bengal. He will make some profit by selling nano cups. He agreed that he will employ 100% of labours from the neighbouring Jhhingur village in Bengal.

With these set of reforms in the Railways, the budget is sure to give a mishti (sweet) feeling in the 'Korbo-Lorbo-Jeetbo' generation.

(Submitted by the correspondent 'Idiot Box' through the Railway e-mail Service)


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