Church might not be driving conversions

New Delhi. Amid the much rhetorical allegations and counter allegations on the issue of religious conversions, a new investigation by Faking News has revealed the real reasons behind the mass Christian conversions. According to the VHP, Bajrang Dal, RSS, BJP and others of the saffron brigade, the Christian Missionaries were behind the large number of conversions of Hindu populations in Orissa and Karnataka. While this had led to communal tensions and many attacks on Churches, Faking News has learnt that such attacks were totally unnecessary as the missionaries are not aiding the conversions.

In a serious investigation, it was discovered that the conversions were actually taking place because of the inherent desire of every Indian to gossip. Through a sociological and psychological survey of the population in the states of Orissa and Karnataka, it was noted that a large majority of the converted locals professed a strong urge to listen to gossip. Therefore, in a bid to fulfil their desires they felt that converting into a Christian priest would serve their purpose.

As women are known to gossip openly, the men found it difficult to resist the charm of gossiping. Hence they decided to turn into Fathers or priests of the Christian Missionary Churches. Holding this prestigious position enabled them to listen to every kind of gossip when people came to them for their 'confessions'. This not only gave them the sanctity of the holy law to listen to other's innermost thoughts, but also a full right to talk back to the people about their actions. This has not only fulfilled their desire but given them a new goal in life to reach the highest levels of gossiping priesthood.

This investigation has proved that the Christian Missionaries are innocent victims of an age old Indian tradition of gossiping. Therefore, their victimization should be stopped with immediate effect as the conversions are for fulfilment of local desires and not anti-Hindutva.

It was also found that all these gossip mongers were regular readers of Faking News.

(This investigative piece of journalistic article has been submitted by our reader Cat’s Paw form New Delhi)